Recently, the ad-loving citizens of Los Angeles were treated to rows and rows of red and white "CAAN'T" posters plastered up along our boulevards and in our malls. The "campaign" is the latest and most high-profile strike in the talent agency wars and the trades are all snickering about it like high school dorks watching the popular kids go at it. But why do they care? Did someone really waste time and money on this? Can anyone doctor up a gif of Zachary Quinto saying "CAAN'T" real quick? We'll explain.

What are these "CAAN'T" ads all over town?

Yesterday, the New York Post devoted many touching articles about the sudden death of James Gandolfini, but today it trots out its cabal of Italian dining spies who have the specifics about his final meal.

Charlie Sheen had his Anger Management co-star Selma Blair fired because he like-liked her and she did not feel the same way, report says.

So the email account for ajd@defamer.com is inactive at the moment due to some (ahem) technical difficulties. Reach me here until it's back up. I would like to take this time to thank the many quality applicants who've submitted manifestos so far. If you've been summoned for a drink with me next week in Los Angeles, then that means things are going well for you. If you've received no response from me at this point, it's not a definitive indication that I don't think you're the right fit for the job but that's probably the case. Damn.

James Gandolfini has two movies coming out, both shot over the summer. Will he get the "Heath Ledger treatment" this awards season?

Michael Jackson's children are probably doomed, former MJ kiddie-diddle attorney, Tom Mesereau said. "[T]here is so much that has changed since he as passed away. It is all very troubling."

Dispatches From The Hated will be a recurring feature penned by a person who worked the paparazzi beat for three years. We'll call him American Ex-Pap so he remains anonymous.

Welcome to Hit List Wishlist, where we feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. We still want more — so keep 'em comin.

Welcome to Hit List Wishlist, where we feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. We still want more — so keep em comin'.

Welcome to Hit List Wishlist, where we feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. We still want more — so keep em comin'.

@AJDaulerio @mollylambert @samfbiddle @jennydeluxe @emmacargo @RichJuz Really, AJ? Original.

To help kick off the relaunch of Defamer, we're going to feature excerpts from some of the best manifestos and tips we've received so far. Some are amusing apocryphal stories from dinner parties; some are insider's insider the front lines of what they'd like to see Defamer skewer in the near future. We still want more — so keep em comin'. First up, a very unsurprising story about Tom Cruise.

Does anyone remember Beejoli Shah? She was the former GENERATE media employee whose toes were once slurped by director Quentin Tarantino after the two met at a party in The Hills a couple of years ago. The reason some of you may know this is because Beejoli sent a graphic play-by-play of the toe-coital encounter in an email to 15 of her closest CC's, including visual evidence of her nuzzling in a photo booth with QT himself, which was haphazardly forwarded and then published on many sites across the internet. The world laughed, Beejoli was fired, the world moved on. (Beejoli is still on Twitter, btw, so Follow Friday, Friendsicles.)

Carelessly tossed into the ellipsis-riddled afterthought section of today's Scoop column was this shocking tidbit about Meg Ryan and her new Chinese baby:

Coming soon (and long overdue, in our humble opinion): the doll version of everyone's favorite, hard-partying, all-natural starlet, Lindsay Lohan. According to Mattel, "this doll captures the likeness of Lindsay Lohan, and her fun, trendy outfit complements her fashion-forward sense of style." We've taken the liberty of pointing out the doll's finer features, confident that it will be flying off the shelves of a toy store near you faster than you can say, "You want to see my driver's license? Don't you know who I am?"

You know what they say about retarded celebrity baby names: They always come in threes. Geena Davis did her part after Gwyneth's star turn by squeezing out twin boys, then saddling them with the names Kian and Kaiis. On any other day, we might have harped on the matching K names, the superflous "i" jammed into the latter rugrat's name, and speculated that she's consigned the kids to at best a Doublemint commercial and at worst a career at Chippendale's. But we'll leave Davis alone. She clearly choked under the massive pressure to come up with something truly asinine after Paltrow's breathtaking achievement in produce-department nomenclature.

Drudge reports on Fahrenheit 9-11's reception at Cannes, where the enthusiastic French gave filmmaker Michael Moore a 20 minute ovation. Luckily, Drudge had access to "Cannes stalwart" and apparent French Film Festival Overreaction Statistician Thierry Fremaux, who declared the outburst the "longest standing ovation in the history of the festival." The applause (during which Moore was actually drowned out by the crowd) wasn't the only manual stimulation being administered; the film shows a US soldier "grabbing a prisoner's genitals through a blanket," an arcane sexual practice we've always coincidentally referred to as a "French handjob."

Is Scarlett Johansson trying to tell the Hollywood Jailbait Brigade to enjoy their youth while they still can? Reports from the set of Synergy*, which she's filming with Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid, have Scarlett letting her inner child out for a playdate. She's known to throw temper tantrums, fight with her mother, and scribble away her downtime with coloring books in her trailer. (Sort of makes us wonder if the "unsanitary" things she did with Benicio Del Toro involved a sandbox. Those things are filthy.) In any case, as least someone in Hollywood's not growing up too fast.

The Blueprint reveals that Fox will renew Tru Calling and Arrested Development, saving both struggling series from the brink of television euthanasia. What's really interesting about this is that Fox seems to have discovered an entirely new business model for television networks. At the new and improved Fox, even badly-rated shows can go on losing money and return for a second season. To celebrate this breakthrough, Fox president Gail Berman will officially present the Fall lineup on Thursday with a ceremonial shovelling of cash down an open elevator shaft.

We all know how MPAA chief Jack Valenti feels about pirates. His dreams are haunted with visions of eye-patched buccaneers coming to rape away precious box office dollars from Shrek 2, and he'll natter on to anyone in earshot about the coming evil of widespread, improved broadband internet access, the movie pirate's equivalent of a 10-inch cock.