LAX might have new ticket counters and expanded customs and immigration facilities, but they will not make your dreams come true by adding a movie theater.

No one—not even Barack and Michelle—are safe from Amanda Bynes and her "ugly" grenades.

Chris Brown, Patron Saint of Beyond Lost Causes, wants you to know he understands what it’s like to be poor. He wants you to know he understands how much it sucks to only have one pair of sneakers to wear to school each year. He wants you to know he feels the shame involved in borrowing clothes from cousins. Really, he really wants you to know this.

Bad news for all you closet "douches" in the Southland. LA Weekly has finally revealed the neighborhoods you call home. Now everyone will know your true identity if you live in one of the following places:

Nepotism: Hollywood’s great new equalizer for white women and members of Will Smith’s “African-American clan.”

To commemorate the 51st birthday of Thetan Master and extraordinary lover Tom Cruise, we've taken on the enormous task of cobbling together videos of Hollywood's strangest alien just being...normal. Sure, it’s easy to find crazy clips from Scientology videos, Matt Lauer interviews, and Oprah’s couch, but what about the real Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, the private guy who loves cooking spaghetti carbonara, flying planes, and fencing? What’s that guy doing tonight? Probably the same thing the rest of us would do on our first birthday after a public and messy divorce: enjoying a quiet normal night in.

Dispatches from the Hated will be a recurring feature penned by a person who worked the paparazzi beat for three years. We'll call him American Ex-Pap so they remain anonymous.

Does Johnny Depp's portrayal of Tonto mean it's time for the media to facilitate wimpy conversations about sensitivity and stereotypes?

The pride and joy of the west coast, the officially not racist LAPD, has always depended on the kindness of strangers for help identifying criminals. Today is no different. So if anyone has any information on the “Asian Wig Bandit” allegedly responsible for 15 armed robberies over the last six months, please stand up.

According to the City of Los Angeles Department of Transportation, there are nine franchise taxi operators in the city who operate “more than 2300 taxis.” What they don’t point out on the website is that these 2300 taxis are magic and invisible. They supposedly exist, but they’re hiding somewhere in plain sight, probably with that stockpile of nice, tall, well-adjusted, employed, and single men in LA.

This hotel, nestled away on a steep hill in West Hollywood, is known for the excess of both its ghosts and living guests. But did you know how exceptional the staff is here? Truly. They are doting and accommodating throughout all stations, effortlessly pleasant to all ye who enter here, celebrity or poseur; wealthy European tourist or lifelong Angelenos.

Dispatches from the Hated will be a recurring feature penned by a person who worked the paparazzi beat for three years. We'll call him American Ex-Pap so they remain anonymous.

6:43: Justin Chambers, wearing Keds, talking to very young girl

Watch out, Hollywood. Rick Santorum is the new CEO of Echolight Studios, famous for none of their films you’ll never see. They’re looking for the “best and the brightest” to come work with them in Dallas.

Interest in celebrity culture has been "crucial to the evolutionary success of our species." That's right: reading Defamer just might mean you're more evolved.

Collaboration in Hollywood is nothing new. Writers and directors. Actors and producers. Gentiles and Jews. Jews and Jews. Jews and… Nazis? According to his upcoming book The Collaboration: Hollywood’s Pact With Hitler, Ben Urwand says the two go hand-in-hand. Now the next time someone tries to talk about “Who runs Hollywood?” you can make the conversation even more uncomfortable.

Twitter Laureate Chris Brown, charged with misdemeanor hit-and-run and driving without a license, responded yesterday to media coverage with accusations of bullying and yellow journalism. He ended his passionate spree with a simple and moving “2 Corinthians 12:10”

As part of the Defamer resurrection project, parent company Gawker Media has put me up in the infamous Chateau Marmont for this week. I'm in a garden cottage 83, better known in Hollywood lore as the place where Cheryl Tiegs once climbed the tiny rock fountain after mainlining too much homemade absinthe at Lee Majors' bungalow. So I've heard.

Former Los Angeles Times reporter Anita Busch is accusing Michael Ovitz of puppet-mastering some of the intimidating treatment she received from jailed PI Anthony Pellicano. The trial begins in September.

Stuff Swiss people like about Los Angeles: "Hip: Cord Jefferson im Viertel Silver Lake."