Dan Harmon talks to The Hollywood Reporter in the latest issue and one thing is certain: he’s still a total dick. Fired in May 2012 as the showrunner for Community, Harmon went on a Tumblr rampage against NBC, seemingly burning every possible bridge in town. But he’s now been asked back for the fifth (and most likely final) season of the show, thanks to Harmon’s inexplicably large online fan base as well as star Joel McHale.
Nothing sells a family movie like a whole lotta ball swallowing. So it was only a matter of time before someone decided to make Hungry Hungry Hippos into a feature-length film. Sure, it might sound strange to finance a movie that centers around plastic hippopotami, but where you might ask “why?” Hollywood looks you right in the eye, gobbles some white marbles, and asks “why not?”
Forbes released their list of Hollywood’s Highest-Paid Actors today and it’s even more proof that your life is not going as planned. Using some magical equation that involves talking to agents, producers, and “other people-in-the-know,” the wizards at Forbes are able to estimate the annual earnings of the industry’s biggest stars.
Do you love reality tv? Do you hate it? Who cares! There's no time to sit around and talk about how you feel. Not when you have to drop everything right now and respond to casting calls for upcoming shows. Feeling shy? Fine! Nominate a coworker and joyfully await the hilarious and unexpected call from a casting agent. It really doesn't matter as long as you're doing something.
Places you’re allowed to snoop: wallets, purses, drawers, “accidentally opened” emails on iPhones, bank statements casually left on the table. Places you should avoid snooping at all costs? Kim Kardashian’s electronic medical records at a major hospital, especially if that major hospital is your employer.
Quentin Tarantino, the chode of all chodes, is no stranger to plagiarism allegations. Good thing because his girlfriend, almost-award winning writer Lianne “Spiderbaby” MacDougall, is going to need a lot of help recovering from her own cheating scandal—over the weekend, she admitted plagiarizing from a host of different sources in her column for a horror fansite.
Business cards, for some reason, are still in existence, despite smart phones and the seemingly pervasive notion that they're outdated and useless. Yes, business cards serve as certifiable evidence that you, friendly human, are employed and/or hope to be employed, but hand them out sparingly. For instance, that nice middle-aged couple who lives in a two-story rancher who needs an exterminator? Great, they'll probably appreciate your business, Jerry, of Jerry's Bugs-Be-Gone. And that nice fella you met at the Rosenfelds' dinner party last weekend who was interested in an estimate on a new deck? They will probably give you a shout on Monday, Bob, of Bob's Custom Home Building and Contracts. Other than that, keep them in your wallet, right behind the AAA card, and save it just in case the local pizza parlor has a fishbowl on the counter offering you the chance to win your company two free large pies with unlimited toppings, woo-hoo.
Hollywood rumors are as outrageous as they are complicated. Let’s get real: how on earth could you coax a gerbil into a butthole? And how could Jamie Lee Curtis hide her tiny penis from wardrobe all these years? Not to mention Paul from The Wonder Years. How could he be sucking his own dick and playing in a band when he’s clearly working right here? Speaking of dick sucking, if it’s impossible to drink a gallon of milk, how could someone ever drink a gallon of semen?
The television industry: where sexual harassment begins after your boss makes you agree to sleep with him. This is at least the case according to a complaint filed recently in the Los Angeles Superior Court by set dresser Jamie Squillare. The lawsuit names Michael Sunga, a leadman on the tragically-ended television show 90210, along with CBS Studios, ESPG Management, Eye Productions, and 90210 Productions as defendants.
Oh Hollywood. It used to be hard to get ahead here on talent alone. At the very least you needed famous family members, perhaps even a proclivity for allowing yourself to be blackmailed, all for a shot at the dream. But now it can all be yours, provided you have more than twenty dollars and less than $25,000.
