Drake is the gooberest cool rapper on Earth, and the following story will only further cement his goober legend. Last night, in an interview with a Miami sports radio station, Mia Khalifa—the number one ranked porn star on Pornhub—told a story about someone who is almost definitely Drake sliding into her Instagram DMs, to send her a series of enthusiastic messages she described as "so cringeworthy."

Kristin Cavallari's first book, Balancing on Heels, drops in approximately 500 days. Starting today, we will begin marking the days on our calendar, which is a special two-year calendar, so don't worry, it has enough days. We will also mark the days here on Defamer, every day, for the next 500 days. What's happening on Day One of 500 Days of Kristin? Kristin's leaning in.

To hear her tell it, Björk struggled to keep her relationship with artist Matthew Barney alive. Toward the end, she fretted over how and when to approach him. If she had any fault, it was feeling too much, being too invested in their relationship, trying too hard. Barney was closed-off, distant, fatalistic, and moody. He abandoned her and their child together, and betrayed his own heart.

Did Chris Martin hit a paparazzo with his jeep, or did a paparazzo hit Chris Martin's jeep with his body? Ah, we may never know. —Or will we?

Despite everyone's best hopes and intentions, the saga of Justin Bieber's crotch is far from over. Last week, new evidence arose suggesting that the swaggy singing sensation may actually have—as he has previously claimed—a large penis.

Noel Gallagher, the somewhat nicer but less sizzling hot geezer in drunk singalong band for thirtysomethings Oasis, was interviewed recently by Q Magazine, in which an Oasis reunion was sent back to the bog. You must be mental if you think Oasis will reunite for anything short of the Queen's fortune in gold and rubies!

Millennial actress Lena Dunham recently "deleted Twitter" because she is "trying to create a safer space for herself emotionally." Now, Instagram is her choice of platform for sharing her thoughts with the world. Today, Dunham explains at length on the photo-sharing platform the non-racist way she confusing Lil' Jon with Lil' Wayne.

Fending off the most odious of bad Sundance vibes, Keanu Reeves spoke graciously about being pitched non-non-nonstop at the totally magnificent shindig for his latest cinematic venture Knock Knock.

Rowdy homeroom crew Jennifer Lawrence, Adele, and Harry Styles were spotted dining together at Craig's in Los Angeles this weekend, because they are friends. Page Six reports that the well-known threesome was "being loud and throwing olives at people walking by."

Chris Brown's identity was stolen—the inmate ID card he left behind in a California jail found its way online with the asking price of $10,000.

What will you be doing roughly 13-17 months from now? Maybe you'll finally be taking a stay-cation in sunny Tulum, where you could live by then. Perhaps you'll be starting a new job at the soda can factory. You might even be well into your second pregnancy if you start on the first one right now. Change is scary, but take comfort in the knowledge that while your life may look different 400-500 days from now, one thing is for certain: you'll be able to read former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari's first book then, probably.

Did you hear? Lohan Lohan was recently diagnosed with the incurable mosquito virus Chikungunya in Bora Bora. She was hospitalized in London this week with a "high fever" and "joint pain," and it was all very hectic, which means Lindsay has not completed her court-ordered community service hours due next week, TMZ reports.

At last, we've reached it: the MILF stage of Jennifer Lopez's career. If you have eyes and the sense of what must happen to keep sex selling, you predicted this. However, practically none of us could have predicted that Lopez would reach this rite of passage via the heaping serving of frequently nonsensical pulp that is The Boy Next Door, a domestic thriller with erotic-thriller aspirations directed by Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious) and written by former lawyer Barbara Curry. But like a celebrity who must continually acknowledge her ass that just won't quit, this movie is what we have to work with.

Willow Smith, a fragment of a holographic reality who has the ability to control time (and also the 14-year-old daughter of Will Smith) did her part for the Free the Nipple movement on Instagram by posing in a shirt with some boobs on it, and everyone is so mad at her. She's a parent's nightmare!

Diplo, a producer and musician who dated Katy Perry, has a history of beef with pop princess Taylor Swift. And it's just gotten weirder.

Jon Gosselin: former reality TV star, father (technically), Pennsylvanian, hacker, Ed Hardy fan, Ed Hardy destroyer, kitten abandoner, former app creator,—DJ? Yes.

Newly weaveless inmate Teresa Giudice has still found ways to look "amazing" in prison, according to her 14-year-old daughter Gia. In an interview with E! News to promote her girl group and new reality series, Gia revealed that when she visited her mom, she had "just had her makeup done."

Dance Moms star and unfiltered ray of UV light from a Solar Storm 220V 24 lamp tanning bed Maddie Ziegler has finally cleared up some of the misconceptions about the Sia music video she recently starred in with Shia LaBeouf. Chiefly, that Shia LaBeouf does NOT smell good, he smells bad.

Rider Strong, who I hope has enough royalties from his Boy Meets World days to raise a child, has had a child. People Magazine writes that Strong and his wife, Alexandra Barretto, "successfully kept Barretto's pregnancy completely under wraps." Hmm. Wonder how they did that. The world is indeed a mystery sometimes. So much happens that we don't know about...

You might think that after suffering an Oscar snub, Jennifer Aniston would not be fine, but that would be very presumptuous of you, because as she states multiple times in a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, she's fine. She just wanted to murder William H. Macy one time, on the set of her non-Oscar nominated film Cake and she didn't, so it's fine.