Anthony Bourdain, my one true love, will be opening a mega market in New York City this year. Bourdain, an engraved copper thumb ring encircling my heart, has named the market Bourdain Market. Bourdain Market, the place where I have directed a U-Haul to drop off all my furniture and personal effects, cannot open soon enough.

Jessie J has a tattoo that says, "Don't loose who you are in the blur of the stars!"

Addressing journalists today during the network's Television Critics Association's winter press tour panel, NBC Entertainment chairman Robert Greenblatt said that he didn't think Bill Cosby's multiple sexual assault allegations "was a problem until it became critical."

Jennifer Aniston did not receive an Oscar nomination for Best Actress yesterday, but her friends Reese Witherspoon and Julianne Moore did. That's fine. Reese's and Julianne's nominations do not take away from the hard work that Jen did on her film Cake—really. Jen is fine.

What follows is not actually by Hilary Duff, except in the sense that I am pouring my heart out and what is appearing on the page is the savage essence of Hilary Duff.

Shannen Doherty hates limos. She always has. She thinks they're embarrassing and grotesque. Etc., etc. I hate to waste your time rambling through well-known facts, but do trust that I'm doing so to make a point: Jason Priestley has brain damage from a racing accident.

Kim Kardashian, just a butt, will be taking her spring break in her ancestral Armenia this year. Butt she wants to make one thing clear: though she will be there on the 100th anniversary of the Armenian genocide, she is NOT visiting to honor the 100th anniversary of the Armenian genocide.

Can women really have it all? Burpy Boo actress Kaley Cuoco says yes, if you're a woman named Kaley Cuoco. After putting feminism on blast in Redbook last month, Kaley is walking back her comments for a second time, insisting that all she meant to say was that she loves her life.

Justin Bieber has heard claims that his muscles are kinda weak and his happy trail isn't full and his dick isn't humungous, and to that he has one response, as sent from some sort of bathroom that has at least four sinks: "Photoshop lol."

Did Taylor Swift "feed" rum and Coke™ to Lorde—ostensibly an 18-year-old girl, improbably but not impossibly an immortal witch—during a Golden Globes after party? Star Magazine says yes.

In the TMZ video below, you can see popular junior Taylor Swift checking her phone because she was getting, seriously, 100-150 texts, which is why she did not say "hi" to her ex-boyfriend Harry Styles even though she totally would have said hi to Harry if not for the texts—she's not like, mad or anything. She was actually just chilling with her friends Haim and not like, annoyed or whatever.

According to TMZ, famed pajama model Bethenny Frankel is expanding her line of cocktails for body-conscious mommies to include a new intoxicant: weed. Finally, an herb for the skinnygirls®.

Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs (along with Chris Pine) announced the Oscar nominees in the major categories this morning, including surprise nominee Dick Poop for the cinematography in Mr. Turner. Congrats, Poop!

The 87th Annual Academy Award nominations were announced this morning, and Jennifer Aniston did not receive one for her buzzed-about role in Cake, despite a long media campaign that culminated in a Golden Globes nod. How is Jen? Jen tells E! News she is "not going to torture" herself. Jen is fine.

Is it just the Baby Name Critic, or has there been a celebrity birth idyll? Since the arrival of Wallpaper Lively-Reynolds at the turn of the year, things at Gawker's Baby Name Headquarters have been quiet... too quiet. What could the celebrities be hiding? Or perhaps, from whom could they be hiding?

Some surprises in this year's Oscar nominees: The Academy still really loves Clint Eastwood and movies about Americans; Jennifer Aniston may or may not be fine that she was snubbed; curious lack of Selma noms.

Weaveless and weary Teresa "Tre" Giudice has been behind bars for one full week now at the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, Connecticut, and according to one fellow inmate who spoke to Us Weekly, "vultures" are already scrambling to be her "bestie."

Musical theater adult Gwyneth Paltrow, who's been letting go as of late, went on Jimmy Fallon last night in a pink onesie to belt out Broadway versions of popular rap songs, including "Started From the Bottom," "Anaconda," and "I Don't Fuck With You." She gave that last one some extra oomph—wonder why?