Uh, yeah—what did you think Paris Hilton was going to name her tiny new dog? Stella? Yeah right. Bailey? Give me a break. Coco? No. Bella? Fat chance. Katie? Nope! Molly? Keep dreaming.

Sometimes our enemies present themselves to us plainly from the start, like Helena Erdman, who stomped on my foot backstage during the 9th grade musical before I even had a chance to tell her that I didn't like her hair (which I did not). Other times, they lie in wait, plotting the perfect moment to reveal themselves as haters. John Corbett, the 54-year-old American actor known for his roles on Sex and The City and My Big Fat Greek Wedding, has just revealed himself as a hater.

Before you ask—and not that you were going to (Why would you, because she's O.K.)—Jennifer Aniston is O.K. SHE'S FINE. I don't see what the big deal is, and Jen definitely doesn't see what the big deal is, not because she sometimes "fails to see things," but because she's good and fine. And if you should happen to read one or several interviews in which Jennifer Aniston sounds not O.K., maybe you need to take a moment and interview yourself about why you're always acting like people aren't O.K. and judging them, when they're telling you they're fine, and they're fine.

Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse, is facing a difficult time.

Unretouched photos from Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein shoot acquired by BreatheHeavy.com show that editing software blessed the lil' skater boy with a brand new penis as well as body hair. The GIF below illustrates his miraculous transformation from boy to man.

Jessica Chastain has "no idea" what she is wearing to Sunday's Golden Globes. Girl, it's Thursday! Let's help her.

Pope Francis can officially retire now that he has accomplished his only goal as Pope: meeting the popular actress Angelina Jolie.

Earlier this week, Cameron Diaz, movie star, got married to Benji Madden, backup vocalist and second most famous member of the unmemorable pop-punk band Good Charlotte. The festivities were spread out over the course of two days. Among the delights: a disappointed toast; the guest list of your dreams (your confusing, barely-remembered dreams that don't make sense upon waking); a quasi-Klan hood in beautiful bridal white. "Shit, fuck" said Diaz (reportedly), shortly before walking down the aisle. "This is fucked up."

If you could tell Ryan Reynolds to do anything, what would it be?

Kristen Stewart seems like she's having a pleasant time hanging out with her perhaps more-than-friend Alicia Cargile, which is nice for her.

The release of Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein campaign earlier this week brought with it an unexpected and upsetting question for many across the world—some of them employees of this very blog: Is Justin Bieber actually kind of hot? Thanks to an unretouched photo obtained by TMZ, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

Former Cosby Show mother Phylicia Rashad went on the defensive last night, going on ABC's World News Tonight to say that her comment in defense of embattled comedian Bill Cosby—to "forget these women" accusing him of rape—was misquoted.

Songwriter to the stars and singer in her own right Sia has apologized to the Twitter users and YouTube commenters who shape our culture for her "Elastic Heart" video, which hit Vevo yesterday. In it, the 28-year-old fuckery conduit Shia Lebeouf and 12-year-old Dance Moms star Maddie Ziegler dance intensely while wearing dirty underwear that is roughly the color of their skin. "Pedophile!" said some to this. One said it was the latest addition to his OH FUCK NO list:

Despite a recent drop in model percentage at the party that is Leonardo DiCaprio's life, the cargo-shorted film star has been enjoying endless summer for years now, answering to no one but his own beard. Taylor Swift, who sang a song at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show one time but is not a model, is reportedly prepared to destroy all of that.

Miley Cyrus: Is she into drugs, or is she not into drugs? Hard to say, but if new photos obtained by the National Enquirer are to be believed: she is into drugs.

Three more women came forward today in a press conference organized by Gloria Allred to accuse Bill Cosby of sexual assault. Linda Kirkpatrick, Lynn Neal, and Kacey (no last name given) all shared their similar stories, at times breaking down into tears. All say fears of retaliation prevented them from speaking out sooner.

The music video for Australian singer-songwriter Sia's single "Elastic Heart" has just been released and features star performances from famous Australian dancers Shia LaBeouf and one of the Dance Moms girls (fan favorite Maddie). Shia plays 12-year-old Maddie's father, pet, or love interest, depending on your interpretation of the wild, nearly-nude cage dance the two perform for five mesmerizing minutes.

On December 24th, 2014, Jared Leto posted an old photo of Jared Leto with a haircut to his Instagram, which he captioned "Haircut. #2015." Interesting. However, he has not yet gotten a haircut.

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