Benedict Cumberbatch: Will he photobomb you, like he photobombed U2 at the Oscars? No. Please? No. Please? No. Stop asking!

Mark Wahlberg, talented producer, actor, and violent criminal who would have stopped 9/11 if only he'd been on the plane, ate such a big breakfast after wrapping The Gambler—you have no idea!

Everyone in Hollywood hates Nikki Finke, the legendary and unpredictable gossip blogger who's dedicated a career to making enemies and hurling insults. But for top Sony boss Amy Pascal, the beef is personal: Her husband and Finke were pals—until Finke took it too far.

In a most non-non-non odious move, Keanu Reeves waited outside in a totally incommodious drencher for 20 minutes before being allowed entrance into the Daughter of God wrap party. Yeah, dude—the very same celebration at which he most excellently found a stranger's credit card.

God, can you believe it's already awards season again? The 2015 Golden Globe nominees are in, and Birdman leads the pack. The drunkest (and best) awards show airs live on NBC January 11 with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. The major award nominees listed below, the rest you can read here.

Miniature comedian Kevin Hart is now a well-liked movie star. He also thinks he deserves more than $3 million to tweet, according to this leaked straight out of Sony.

The permanently upcoming Steve Jobs biopic has been hotly anticipated since it was first reported nearly three years ago. We're still waiting. And according to newly leaked emails out of Sony Pictures, trying to get it off the ground was a total clusterfuck: name-calling, Angelina Jolie-trashing, lying, and begging.

My younger son and I have ongoing and endless discussions about Star Wars, the principal folktale in which he finds meaning. When his brother was around the same age, he demanded that I tell him and re-tell him the story of the Three Little Pigs. This one waits for a pause in the dinner conversation every day, then turns to me and says, “Daddy, talk to me about Star Wars.”

It seems like everywhere you look—Aaron Paul's Instagram account, Lauren Parsekian's Instagram account, Aaron Paul's Twitter account, last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live!—Aaron Paul and his wife Lauren Parsekian are bragging about their damn marriage. Uh, guys? We get it!

Avril Lavigne requests that you keep Avril Lavigne in your prayers. Is she dying? It's unclear. After releasing a racist horror of a video in April, the Skater Grl's been quiet, and now she's telling fans it's because she's having "some health issues."

No need to throw a most heinous fit, dude. Check it out: Keanu Reeves himself totally swept up your lost credit card in a most spectacular fashion outside of the Daughter of God wrap party on Friday night. Bogus to bodacious. No way? Yes way!

If you thought that actors obscured their identities with cool and bad ass aliases, I'm gonna suggest you have a seat, because a new batch of documents from the Sony hack suggests that most actors—including Tom Hanks and Daniel Craig—pick the lamest fake names possible.

BONK BONK BONK. WEEE-OOOO WEEE-OOOO. PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW. This is not a test. Please take to your hair chairs and put on your helmets—just kidding. That part was a test. Do not put on your helmets. Just put on your hair seat belts in your hair chairs and you'll be fine. Justin Bieber dyed his hair blond!

As you might remember, Gwen Stefani spent 2004 bedecked with nameless young Asian women in a supposed celebration of Japanese culture that added up to something more like an awkward parade of racist tropes for which she was widely criticized. Recently, TIME gave her a chance to apologize for, uh, all of that.

Where is MH370? Who killed JonBenét? Does intelligent life exist on other planets? Would Harry Styles ever date a blogger? Has Tori Spelling peed alone in the last eight years? Some mysteries may never be solved, but Us Weekly recently provided the answer to one of our burning questions.

Mark Wahlberg recently filed a petition seeking to have a 1988 assault and robbery conviction permanently cleared from his record. But what of Marky Mark's other youthful indiscretions?

Justin Bieber has a new pool and it's shaped like a horn? Or like an exclamation point as designed by Romero Britto? Or a pen as imagined by the set designer on Prometheus? Anyway, this pool is costing Justin Bieber basically your entire year's salary (if you're lucky) per month, and not to pile on the kid here, but damn is this pool wack.

Taylor Swift, kisser of Karlie Kloss (maybe) and New York City Welcome Ambassador (definitely), recently addressed criticism of her song "Welcome to New York" in an interview with Billboard (She's not sorry!).

It is en vogue to hate on Justin Bieber for being a punk—and, granted, Justin Bieber is a punk. But Justin Bieber, just a talented kid, is not the Bieber you should hate. No, that is Jeremy Bieber, Justin's dad.

Reality star-turned-anti-vax mom Kristin Cavallari is still pretty "butthurt" over all the drama on Laguna Beach, which premiered 10 years ago. In a tearful interview with Oprah (?) that will air Sunday, K-Cav confesses that she felt "used" and "manipulated" on the show.