After getting intimate with Ashton Kutcher at least one time, Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby. And let Mila Kunis tell you, that baby was freakin' huge. She revealed to Ellen Degeneres today that not-so-little Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher "was 9.5 pounds when she was born." Really? "Yeah! Yeah! Uh huh!" Mila confirmed.

Last night, after making a perfectly adequate appearance on Ellen, Justin Bieber posted a video on some impenetrable new app apologizing to fans for being "conceited" and "arrogant" for the last 12 to 18 months of his life. "I just want to be kind, and loving, and gentle, and soft," he says. Justin Bieber, please calm down.

Haunted beardo Shia LaBeouf kicked off his "I'm normal now, LOL" tour today on The Ellen Show, where he claimed he's been behaving badly for the past year or so because his parents never loved him. He's also "sorry" about that time he spit on a cop. "That's a no-no," he admitted.

Meryl Streep was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Monday morning discussing her 18^th Academy Award Nomination when she announced her friend Emma Thompson was "shockingly" left off the list of nominees for her work in Saving Mr. Banks.

Ellen Degeneres, or someone close to Degeneres or The Ellen Degeneres Show, broke the number one rule of screener season: only let screeners be borrowed by close friends, their friends, and then maybe their friends, but whatever you do, don't let them get into the hands of strangers who will upload them to the internet.

Maybe people will cheer a little less aggressively for Ellen's 12 Days of Giveaways this afternoon—a man who won a vacation from the talk show host died while taking it; a very small Will Ferrell indie flick is making big bucks; Martha Stewart has got no time for Gwyneth Paltrow; and SoulCycle is giving back for the holidays, starting with Carey Mulligan.