OK, this time, it could be legit. Accepting the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award for her old friend Woody Allen (who doesn't do award shows), Diane Keaton was bleeped for saying, "Goddamn," and who knows what else. She then burst into song — "Make New Friends," to be precise. The song is a Girl Scouts anthem, which could be real deep shade thrown at a man whose taste in younger relatives is well known. Or maybe she's drunk. Or maybe she's just an eccentric veteran actress who felt like singing a song.

If you're nominated for a Golden Globe, write a speech. Just write a speech! And also, hope that Modern Family's Julie Bowen isn't presenting, because she'll whisper sweet nothings at you before mouth-kissing you:

She certainly wanted you to think she was plastered. Nice martini glass!

This is how hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler opened the Golden Globes: With ten minutes of perfect jokes. (That Gravity Clooney zinger!)

Legendary actress Jacqueline Bisset just picked up the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Performance in a Series, Miniseries, or Television Film for her work in the BBC/Starz series Dancing on the Edge. It took Bisset almost a minute to get to the stage after her name was announced, and then, once there, she spent several more seconds attempting to form words. Lip-smacking, a censorship fail (she slipped a "shit" through), and a message to the haters ("Go to hell and don't come back") ensued. They attempted to play her off, and she just refused to listen to the music and went right on babbling. What a woman.

Last year, Jodie Foster came out, a weird lady flirted with Bradley Cooper, and the teleprompter broke, confusing Salma Hayak more than usual. Who knows what will happen during the Golden Globes this year?

Is there anything more worse than red carpet interviews?

The red carpet might be wearing sewage tonight, but the Hollywood's elite will be wearing far more conventional—and potentially more offensive—designs. Because sometimes, even a nice updo and the best pair of Spanx can't save terrible judgment.

Tonight, come talk Hollywood awards with us during Gawker and Defamer's Golden Globes coverage—starting with E!'s red carpet show at 6 p.m. ET. Caity Weaver, Lacey Donohue, and Rich Juzwiak will also be live-tweeting the whole shebang at @Gawker and @Defamer.

Throughout this weekend writer Ray Lemoine and others will be contributing short bits of coverage to Defamer from the front lines of the Golden Globes party scene. The first dispatch comes from M.R. Herman.

[Marilyn Monroe accepts her Golden Globe for Female World Film Favorite from Rock Hudson at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's 19^th Annual Dinner on March 13, 1962. The 71^st Annual Golden Globe Awards will be held this Sunday, January 12. Image by Keystone via Getty]

Here's the complete guide to all of the exclusive Golden Globes parties in Los Angeles this weekend. If you're lucky enough to attend one, be sure to share your tales with us.

[The menu preview for the 71^st Annual Golden Globe Awards was held Friday and this is the appetizer that hundreds of rich and famous people won't eat. It appears to consist of a tiny artichoke covered in expensive goo, a tiny bell pepper filled with expensive goo, and a tomato with a scoop of orange stuff. Image by Chris Pizello via AP]

Human jelly beans and BFFS Teenz and Ames will be hosting the Golden Globes again, hurrah!; Kelso is the richest man on your 62"; Michael Fassbender and little Michael Fassbender will not be campaigning for an Oscar this year; Aaron Paul has turned Bitch! into a song.