On the radio show Rove & Sam this morning, Chris Martin offered a peek into his old life with Gwyneth Paltrow, the woman from whom he “consciously uncoupled” (“consciously uncoupled”) last year. He made it sound bad.
There are a few turns of phrase penned within the past decade that, one can guess, will echo throughout history with timeless grace: “#winning,” “my wife,” “who is also a lion,” “conscious uncoupling.” It seems one writer, though, is attempting to distance herself from her classic saying.
Imagine your worst vacation. Wait—Imagine your best vacation. What you are now imagining is, the worst vacation a wealthy celebrity could possibly take with other celebrities. Now imagine Gwyneth Paltrow there. If you did this correctly, you have just imagined Jennifer Lawrence’s upcoming vacation.
Does the air feel a bit heavier? Does the ground underneath your feet feel as though it could open up and swallow you whole at any moment? Does your heart feel a bit...heavier? Well, my friend, it may be because Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow—public figures, parents to Apple and Moses (humans)—have officially filed for divorce.
Celebrities will go on vacation for pretty much any reason: Family time, girls trip, getting away from the paparazzi, letting the paparazzi take bikini pics, etc. They go on vacation so much, I bet sometimes they don't even know that they're on vacation. But right now, Gwyneth Paltrow and her ex-husband Chris Martin are on vacation, and it's for a very specific reason.
Aspiring lifestyle guru Kristin Cavallari ripped out a page from Gwyneth Paltrow's cookbook this week, pinned it to her bulletin board, and smudged sage as she prayed for the transformation to be complete. "Dinner tonight was chicken burgers, bok choy, and black rice with peas a la @gwynethpaltrow," she wrote on Instagram.
The stars: If only we were able to see what they're doing every second of the day. There are so many moments we miss! Luckily, there are still many moments we catch, like this moment—the moment Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin spent in each other's company on Valentine's Day.
Musical theater adult Gwyneth Paltrow, who's been letting go as of late, went on Jimmy Fallon last night in a pink onesie to belt out Broadway versions of popular rap songs, including "Started From the Bottom," "Anaconda," and "I Don't Fuck With You." She gave that last one some extra oomph—wonder why?
Are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, two humans, getting back together? If someone paying for someone else's massage means yes, then yes!
No, it wasn't your mind playing tricks on you. That warm touch you felt on your cheek last night, when no one was around? It wasn't a ghost. It wasn't the wind. It wasn't a little bug that sneaked in through a crack in the window screen. Your instinct was right, what you felt was true: somewhere in Los Angeles, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow touched.
Gwyneth Paltrow used to be married to one guy. Is she dating another guy now?
