Former almost-Kennedy Taylor Swift has learned a lesson, she says, from losing her public battle with Nicki Minaj over the VMAs earlier this year.

Famous person Katy Perry once recorded a song called “Faith Won’t Fail,” a cursory google search for “Katy Perry+sin” tells me, which is ironic, I guess, because she’s currently embroiled in an escalating legal battle with a group of nuns who think she’s immoral.

Someone—Taylor’s PR team, maybe?—realized this dumb Twitter fight with Nicki Minaj was making everyone not named Katy Perry look bad.

On Wednesday afternoon, one day after rapper Nicki Minaj and white rapper Taylor Swift became embroiled in an extremely heated Twitter exchange about race and about nothing, area woman Katy Perry tweeted this:

Katy Perry has registered a new song with her music publisher, BMI, and it is entitled “1984.” Could this be her rumored answer to Taylor Swift’s instant classic diss track, “Bad Blood,” perhaps written with their mutual ex, racist-dick-owner John Mayer? Hmm!

The photo above shows Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry sitting quite close to each other at the Met Ball last night. Did you know they have all been feuding for years? Probably not, but don’t worry—they’ve now decided they need each other.

I'm not sure why we're just hearing about this now, but E! News reports that former lovers John Mayer and Katy Perry had dinner together on April 4th. At the "brand-new West Hollywood hot spot Ysabel," no less. According to an eyewitness, they held hands.

Super Bowl halftime show star Katy Perry visited Auschwitz today, according to her Instagram.

What happens when your ideas of male coolness are unquestioned from 9th grade into your late 30s, and you're rewarded with great fame and wealth no matter how obnoxiously you behave? You become Diplo, the music industry's preeminent DJ and foremost prickwad.

This will not sweeten the almond milk in Taylor Swift's Monday morning latte, but we must report that Swift's ex-boyfriend John Mayer went to the Super Bowl to support Swift's sworn enemy, halftime show performer Katy Perry last night. Missy Elliott (personal relationship with Swift unknown) posed for a photo with the on-again couple, who were dressed up like a normal person and a football, at an after party.

You know that feeling when you break up with John Mayer and you promise you'll never hook up with him again, but then you see him at a friend's dinner party a year later and you're like, dang!? Katy Perry does, because on Saturday night, John Mayer reportedly came back to her house and stayed until 4 p.m. the next day.

Taylor Swift and Katy Perry hate each other. On her album 1989, Taylor Swift calls out Katy Perry for stabbing her in the back, the scars from which she bears to this day. Will Katy Perry retaliate during her Super Bowl performance? Hollywood Life says yes.

Katy Perry combated the rumor that she's a member of the Illuminati—a rumor that stems from her "Dark Horse" music video and Grammy performance—in a recent Rolling Stone interview. She claims that, far from being a member herself, she doesn't know what it is and would like to be invited!

Katy Perry finger-banged Anna Kendrick Sunday night and she liked it. Or so said Kendrick on Tuesday night's Conan.

Katy Perry has incurred the wrath of her former supporters at PETA; SNL Weekend Update will be hosted by the girl hawking Moey Chambam; and Aaron Paul is having more fun than everyone else ever.

Katy Perry continues to find new ways to wear very little clothing in the just released video of her women's empowerment anthem "Roar" today, and it is very, very bad. The track just knocked off not women's empowerment anthem "Blurred Lines" as Billboard's No. 1 single.

Are you reading this while you're at work? You might want to put that letter opener back in your coffee-stained pencil cup before you read on.