Though the Kardashian-Wests are comfortably back in their second home, Gay Paree, they've been given a perfect scrapbook souvenir by which to remember their tour of the Middle East. When a photo of the royal family with Jerusalem's mayor Nir Barkat appeared online, an ultra-Orthodox publication cleverly obfuscated Kim Kardashian by plastering a huge receipt over her body (even though she was dressed quite demurely).

With the upcoming release of her selfie book, Selfish, Kim Kardashian has been on the press circuit even more than usual (as if you hadn't already preordered nine copies of this thing). In a recurring Harper's Bazaar feature, Kardashian shares a rundown of an average Kim K day—and it doesn't sound fun at all.

"Shoes."

Madonna, who's been talking all kinds of nonsense lately in an effort to promote her new album, completed Us Weekly's reliably insane "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" interview this week. In it, she manages to throw shade at her competitors and make a weird, racist swipe at the backup dancers who allegedly caused her to fall at the Brit Awards.

Look at this shit. North West clutching a Frozen suitcase so that she could be dragged through the airport by an anonymous, bald, burly security guard. Her boots gliding across the floor like roller skates. Tiny, custom-made YEEZUS tour jacket her royal robe. What a life!

There comes a time in every great democracy for the people to decide its leaders. Yesterday, America's citizens stood arm-in-arm, mouths open to the heavens, and released their cry: Kardashian. Page Six reports that the reality TV family has signed a $100 million deal to be on the air for four more years.

Have you looked at Kim Kardashian's Twitter feed today? Of course you have. She's updated the world on a new character in her Kim Kardashian: Hollywood iPhone game, retweeted a compliment Piers Morgan paid her husband, and then chatted with an account that wants her to molest it.

What idle thought pinged across your baby brain last night, just before you drifted off to sleep? Was it "I wish I were as beautiful as Kim Kardashian, and I wonder how much it would cost to make that wish come true?" If the answer is yes, you're in luck re: the finding out the cost part.

After trouncing Khloe Kardashian in this week's Twitter feud for the ages, Amber Rose has won again: this time by clapping back at Kanye West, who said on the radio this morning that he had to take "30 showers" after dating her to get with his current wife, Kim Kardashian.

In an interview on Power 105.1's "The Breakfast Club" taped yesterday and aired this morning, Kanye West revealed that he had to take "30 showers" after dating Amber Rose to get with his current wife, Kim Kardashian. He also suggested that 25-year-old rapper Tyga is dating his 17-year-old sister-in-law Kylie Jenner. Oh, Kanye!

Would you take your baby to a fashion show? You probably wouldn't. What baby could enjoy a fashion show, and what person could enjoy a fashion show while tending to a baby? Of course, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are not normal people, and their daughter North West is not a normal baby. And so it was with North's legendary Fashion Week: A constant nightmare punctuated by writhing, screaming, wailing, and resting "Can I live?" face.

"See, it's not so dark out here."

With speculation at a fever pitch following a series of tabloid stories and photos, BuzzFeed reports that Bruce Jenner intends to come out as transgender in a sit-down with ABC News' Diane Sawyer. In that planned interview, Jenner will also reportedly reveal the details of a new E! docuseries centered around his transition to a woman.

Kim Kardashian stars in a T-Mobile Super Bowl commercial that mocks her self- (and selfie-) obsession and the perception that she's mainly "famous for being famous." These are not new criticisms of Kim, but it's kind of funny that a corporation paid her to deliver them herself this time. Does she get that she's being mocked here?