In the latest issue of the New York Times magazine, Nicki Minaj says something extremely well-reasoned regarding Miley Cyrus’s engagement with black culture. It is pointed and specific without getting unfairly personal or malicious. All internet thinkpieces should strive for its tone and succinctness. In fact, it is, in a paragraph, the ultimate internet thinkpiece:
Life is good for Miley Cyrus. Her activism on behalf of trans and homeless youth has helped rehabilitate her image among people who once took her for a joke. She hung out with a pig. She also rounded first and second base with Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell, in a video captured by bystanders and sold to TMZ.
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead," Miley Cyrus once sang while singing Adele to her dog, and never has that sentiment rung truer than this past weekend, when her boyfriend Patrick Schwarzenegger—son of Arnold, a true and faithful man—was spotted doing body shots off some rando's stomach in Mexico.
The only thing keeping you from seeing former Disney star Miley Cyrus' genitals is a conveniently-placed bath bubble in this new V magazine shot, which features Ms. Cyrus standing erect in a tub, fully nude. If you are not in sacred house of worship, here, look:
Miley Cyrus: Is she into drugs, or is she not into drugs? Hard to say, but if new photos obtained by the National Enquirer are to be believed: she is into drugs.
Miley Cyrus, appearing on Australian TV series Sunday Night, said that she believes the internet and social media like Instagram are probably worse for you than smoking some pot. This is something she can actually speak about with some authority, given that she has uploaded a series of videos of herself getting high to her own Instagram.
Miley Cyrus, balancing remarkably well on the line between oh brother and uh-oh, reportedly had a recent "public meltdown" at New York City's Greenwich Hotel.
Getting your car stolen from your driveway is probably an unsettling experience. It would be completely reasonable to hate the person who stole your car for violating the sacred personal space that is your home. It would also be completely reasonable, if you're Miley Cyrus, to become best friends with the dude who jacked your Maserati.
Remember when Jennifer Lawrence fell over on the red carpet at this year's Oscars? It's because she was almost certainly hammered.
Taking two sexy, talented females known for their raunchy antics and putting them on stage together should produce great television. But on Miley Cyrus' MTV Unplugged special Wednesday night, Cyrus and Madonna bumped crotches, sang poorly, and it was spectacularly unexciting. If anything, it was tired and sad.
Miley's just bein Miley, Justin's just bein Justin, and Jesse Jackson's definitely just bein Jesse Jackson. Just a normal December day in Hollywood.
If all you wanted from Santa was a Sherlock mini-episode and a glimpse of Dean Pelton, today is your lucky day. Merry Christmas! And I'll take this opportunity to also wish a very Merry Christmas to those of you who watched The Sound of Music Live! even though you've ruined TV forever.
Given that our nation has nothing else majorly important to focus on right now, it's easy to get swept up in Miley mania and wonder where it all went so wrong. But before we chalk this all up to Miley just bein' Miley, it's important to remember that someone showed her the way—America's ginger sweetheart, Lindsay Lohan. So just who is taking the crown for baddest bitch of this millennium?
