Ed Sheeran is famous for performing acoustic hip hop covers and for comparing his album sales to the much larger album sales of Taylor Swift, as if they were very similar. But do you think you know everything about Ed Sheeran? Well. You do not.

In a new Rolling Stone profile, The Weeknd talks about his first time meeting Taylor Swift. As it turns out, hanging out with her sounds like a huge chore, especially if you have hair that is different than her own:

As a result of shared physical and emotional attraction, Calvin Harris, Scottish DJ, (not pictured), and Taylor Swift have been involved in a romantic relationship since early summer. Harris’s recent, relaxing trip to a Thai massage parlor may have changed that, however.

Former almost-Kennedy Taylor Swift has learned a lesson, she says, from losing her public battle with Nicki Minaj over the VMAs earlier this year.

EDM Ken-doll and Taylor Swift consort Calvin Harris was seen leaving a Thai massage parlor on Sunset Boulevard earlier this week, after spending two hours inside. Radar reported the spot Harris visited received raves on Yelp as the best “happy ending” spot in town, conjuring visions of a normal human man casting about for relief from his obligations to an exquisite celebrity android. But when it comes to professional handjobs, there are more reliable sources than Yelp, and, apparently, more reliable massage parlors than In Thai Spa.

It’s always nice when couples have common interests, like skiing or manga or believing in fairytales. For example: In 2008, Taylor Swift sang, “I had so many dreams/About you and me/Happy endings/Now I know,” in the ballad “White Horse.” Then, on Thursday, her official boyfriend Calvin Harris visited a Thai massage parlor that—according to Yelp—provides the “best happy endings” in Hollywood.

ATTN Taylor Swift and anyone who can keep a secret (this is private): Someone is trying to sell an “intimate photo” of Taylor Swift with the Scottish DJ Calvin Harris. Calvin Harris is, as Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris will loudly tell you, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend for real. It’s true! Radar reports:

Last night, during her fifth and final 1989 performance at Los Angeles’s Staples Center, Taylor Swift brought to the stage Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan: a singer-songwriter; a pretend woman your mother likes from television; your result in multiple BuzzFeed quizzes. They sang “Smelly Cat,” Buffay-Hannigan’s most well-known tune.

Taylor Swift relayed a special message to her boyfriend Calvin Harris, allegedly, last night during her performance at Los Angeles’s Staples Center. The message was “olive juice.”

Here is an incomplete list of the guests Taylor Swift has welcomed to the stage so far during her 1989 tour: Gigi Hadid, Lorde, Serayah McNeill from Empire, Lena Dunham, the U.S. Women’s soccer team, the girl group Little Mix, the girl group Fifth Harmony, and...Julia Roberts and Joan Baez!

Someone—Taylor’s PR team, maybe?—realized this dumb Twitter fight with Nicki Minaj was making everyone not named Katy Perry look bad.

On Wednesday afternoon, one day after rapper Nicki Minaj and white rapper Taylor Swift became embroiled in an extremely heated Twitter exchange about race and about nothing, area woman Katy Perry tweeted this:

Calvin Harris, a simple Scottish DJ, is dating Taylor Swift as the result of mutual human attraction. He gushed about the excitement of media interest in their relationship like any boyfriend would in a recent interview with KISS FM (via the Daily Mail).

Taylor Swift spoke and Apple listened. She wrote an open letter to the tech behemoth regarding its plan to use music without compensating artists, writers, or producers during its three-month trial run of its new streaming service, and just like that, Apple reversed its policy. In response, Wired declared Taylor Swift the “queen of the internet,” while Entrepreneur called her “the most powerful person in tech.”

While potential customers may be enticed by Apple’s play of launching its streaming music service with three free months for everyone, indie musicians were not especially psyched to hear that Apple wouldn’t be paying artists during that time. But Apple didn’t acknowledge their complaints until Taylor Swift got involved.

Taylor Swift sends hand-written thank you notes to radio DJs who attend her meet-and-greets:

Here is a photo of Taylor Swift and her new “beau,” the DJ Calvin Harris, enjoying a pool day and doing fun-but-ultimately-restricted poses for the camera. Do these two people like having sex (together), or do they LOVE having sex (together)? If you said yes to either, I’m sure this “hot couple” appreciates your faith.

Katy Perry has registered a new song with her music publisher, BMI, and it is entitled “1984.” Could this be her rumored answer to Taylor Swift’s instant classic diss track, “Bad Blood,” perhaps written with their mutual ex, racist-dick-owner John Mayer? Hmm!

I know it can be a struggle to make it through the day after tossing and turning all night, thinking about Taylor Swift, barely getting even a few minutes of sleep. “Yes, Taylor Swift has a wonderful life,” you think, yawning, so sleepy, “So many blessings. But must she work so hard to get them?”