It's Emmys time, on a Monday night in August. Why? Because NBC makes too much money airing football on Sundays in the fall to accommodate your needs. No matter! We're here, updating throughout the night with the ceremony's winners. Join us in the comments to air your grievances, cheer on your favorites, and make (good) jokes.

Your most pathetic prayers have finally been answered: CBS announced Wednesday morning that its inexplicably popular Two and a Half Men will end after its next season.

This may just be the sweetest publicity stunt of all time. ABC announced on Good Morning America that it will pay for all marriage licenses and City Hall wedding costs for couples getting married in New York City on Monday.

Amid all the hype for its new live-action Maleficent movie, starring Angelina Jolie, Disney is sneaking another version of the villain into its stable. Yes, apparently Jolie and the petite, excitable Kristen Chenoweth share some mysterious quality that makes them both perfect for the role.

Since Craig Ferguson announced his departure from the Late Late Show on Monday, fans have been anxiously awaiting news of his replacement. According to the Hollywood Reporter, they'd better be getting comfortable.

Known scruffy-looking nerf herder Stephen Colbert had a few words for J.J. Abrams on Tuesday night's Colbert Report.

Apparently inspired by NBC's The Sound of Music Live!, Fox has ordered a three-hour broadcast of Grease. The Hollywood Reporter says that, just like NBC's musical train wreck, Grease will also be broadcast live.

It's a great day not to have premium cable. Not only can you watch John Oliver's new show on YouTube, you can also watch the first episode of Showtime's Penny Dreadful online. Now you won't have to ask your parents for their Showtime Anytime password until next week.

Mondays suck. But you can improve this one just a little by watching the first episode of John Oliver's new show, Last Week Tonight, which HBO has generously made available to mere peasants by putting it on YouTube.

Everyone's favorite smoke-monster-polar-bear-what-even-is-this television-show may be getting a reboot, if you choose to believe stray comments from some of its producers.

Last night's episode of Game of Thrones featured plenty of disturbing scenes, but one stood head-and-shoulders above the rest: Jaime and Cersei. In the crypt. With a corpse (or at least next to one).

The classic 90s show Boy Meets World will live forever in our hearts (and in the annals of slam poetry), but Cory Matthews is a boy no longer. So of course we're about to get a sequel on Matthews family life in the 21st century–and boy, is it purple.

Tis the season to quickly Google the cost of a gift that someone gave you, so that you can ascertain both how much you mean to them, as well as their disposable income. In the spirit of the holidays, it seemed like the perfect time to remind you that your goal for Christmas 2014 should be to make friends with your friendly neighborhood TV writer—sure they may be anti-social and laugh at their own jokes, but they sure do make a lot of money, and those retina displays aren't buying themselves, now are they?

THIS IS NOT A TEST: In an interview with Variety, newly elected LA mayor Eric "I'm Not a Regular Mayor, I'm a Cool Mayor" Garcetti declared a state of emergency for California—a figurative state of emergency, duh—as film and television productions continue their exodus out of the state in lieu of locations with more favorable tax breaks.