Adele never had a drinking problem. She just got drunk and tweeted so often that her management decided it would be better if she had to clear all her tweets with two different handlers first. See? No problem!

If have been looking for relationship and/or general life advice from Kristin Cavallari—and god, why wouldn’t you be—you can probably find some in her book, due out in 363 days. Until then, we must make do with what we’re given, which is the wisdom found in a Twitter “live chat” with @KristinCav hosted by Cosmo and sponsored by Revlon.

Over the past few days, have you been tormented by the lack of an apology from whoever Drake Bell is regarding whatever he said about Caitlyn Jenner on his presumably active though who can say Twitter account? Worry no more.

Over the weekend, Channing Tatum left his black backpack in a cab. He paid for the ride with cash. Would he ever get his black backpack back? Tatum took to Twitter to plead for the safe return of his helpful accessory and—look at that, it worked.

Zayn Malik, erstwhile One Directioner, current life-ruiner, is on vacation in France right now with his family and his fiancée, Perrie Edwards. Incredible. Can you believe this fucking guy?

There are 466 days until Kristin Cavallari's biology textbook Balancing on Heels hits shelves, and today, Kristin shares with us another blockbuster report from the scientific community. In a post on her eponymous app, she writes:

Have you looked at Kim Kardashian's Twitter feed today? Of course you have. She's updated the world on a new character in her Kim Kardashian: Hollywood iPhone game, retweeted a compliment Piers Morgan paid her husband, and then chatted with an account that wants her to molest it.

The only thing worse than doing something shitty is giving an obnoxious fake apology for your behavior when you're called out. Case in point, our dear friend Diplo.

There's been a meme circulating recently among self-loathing—or, at least, ironically self-loathing—individuals, primarily in the media world, about the presumed toxicity of Twitter. "Never tweet," they say, because Twitter will rot your brain. Personally, I disagree. I enjoy Twitter and there are many worse ways to pass the day. I think mostly everyone should tweet— except Iggy Azalea, who should put Twitter down forever and run away.

According to rumors, Charlie Sheen's new girlfriend Brett Rossi is jealous of his ex-wife Denise Richards and wants her to leave the neighborhood they all share. According to Twitter, Charlie Sheen thinks Denise Richards is an oinky shit-slinging pig.

[The Red Hot Chili Peppers are all set to join Bruno Mars at the Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show on February 2 at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Flea, the bassist for the RHCP, is already planning—and then subsequently deleting from Twitter—crowdsourced choreography questions. Image via Twitter]

Things HBO does well: hardcore drama, softcore porn, amazing holiday gifts. Things HBO does not do well: hashtags, roasts, trying to make things go viral. And so begins the first limp and pathetic HBO Twitter roast of Game of Thrones' King Joffrey.

In an effort to turn a profit during scrutiny of a very public IPO, Twitter has been making nonsensical partnerships right and left. First, Nielsen. Then, Comcast. Twitter's latest way to attempt to earn a buck? Adding sponsored ads on top of sponsored ads.

A newly christened partnership between Twitter and Comcast makes you wonder two things: how many people are going to read a tweet about a TV show and immediately drop what they're doing to watch that show? And how will this make anyone money?

Hot on the heels of their desperate partnership with Nielsen, Twitter and Comcast-backed NBC Universal have entered into a partnership that will help you stop watching television on your actual television, because really, why would you do something crazy like that?

Nielsen, the ratings monitoring service that gives networks the ammo to charge exorbitant prices for commercials, released their first "Twitter TV ratings"—ratings metrics that take into account social-media activity—this Monday.