If I asked you to decide, whose comfort is more important—Jessica Alba’s or Kylie Jenner’s—you might ask, Who the hell cares? But if you’re Kylie Jenner’s bodyguards, you might ask, Who are you, get the hell out of the way, VIP coming through. Which is pretty much what happened to Jessica Alba—a real nobody—according to Kylie Jenner’s bodyguards.
As the donut-licking trial of Ariana Grande entered its 67th day, the embattled former pop star finally took the stand in Good Morning America’s Times Square courtroom Tuesday morning to address allegations that she hates Americans. (The allegations are based on the time she said, “I hate Americans.”) But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do you just go around wishing a good morning to people you hate? The defense rests.
To promote the upcoming second season of Empire, Terrence Howard invited Rolling Stone into his Chicago penthouse. The profile rests on a single question—“How bad is Terrence Howard?”—and leaves you with an answer that may or may not be satisfying: Terrence Howard is almost certainly bad, and he’s definitely crazy.
Since she published her landmark advice column “Best Bathing Suit for Different Body Types” on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, Kristin Cavallari has made one thing clear: she considers herself to be petite. She’s not curvy; she’s not small-breasted; she’s not “pear shape.”
Jack White and Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney are in a feud because Jack White is mad that Patrick Carney plays blues also. Please keep reading for an update on their beef.
So here’s something that’s precisely as insane as you’d expect: a commercial for Game of War featuring Mariah Carey. The pairing makes sense because if there’s any musician video game fans cherish it’s Mariah Carey, and if there’s any song in her canon that best fits the tone of the game, it’s her saccharine 1993 single about self-love, “Hero.”
Kristin Cavallari says: “Gray day.”
Two hundred and twenty-nine days ago, Kristin Cavallari commenced work on her debut memoir Balancing in Heels, a book she says will cover “really just everything in my life.” Throughout the writing process, Kristin’s found time to work on her shoe line, for which there will be a party in New York next week.
EDM Ken-doll and Taylor Swift consort Calvin Harris was seen leaving a Thai massage parlor on Sunset Boulevard earlier this week, after spending two hours inside. Radar reported the spot Harris visited received raves on Yelp as the best “happy ending” spot in town, conjuring visions of a normal human man casting about for relief from his obligations to an exquisite celebrity android. But when it comes to professional handjobs, there are more reliable sources than Yelp, and, apparently, more reliable massage parlors than In Thai Spa.
Katie Holmes: What does she look like? If you’ve begun to describe the “classic” image of Katie Holmes we’ve seen in media such as Dawson’s Creek, please do me a favor and shut your mouth because clearly you have no idea about Katie Holmes’ capacity for disguise and I have no patience for ignorance.
It’s always nice when couples have common interests, like skiing or manga or believing in fairytales. For example: In 2008, Taylor Swift sang, “I had so many dreams/About you and me/Happy endings/Now I know,” in the ballad “White Horse.” Then, on Thursday, her official boyfriend Calvin Harris visited a Thai massage parlor that—according to Yelp—provides the “best happy endings” in Hollywood.
All is forgiven, M. Night Shyamalan. If we had to endure the director’s last decade of cinematic abortions—which ranged from the hilariously bad (The Happening) to the utterly unwatchable (After Earth)—to get something as hilarious, weird, surprising, and nonstop entertaining as The Visit, it was well worth it. Not only is Shyamalan’s latest movie his best since The Sixth Sense, it’s an adrenalin shot to the creatively comatose subgenre of POV horror. Even more exciting is that it’s one of at least four solid horror movies opening this month (the others include Goodnight Mommy, Cooties, and Eli Roth’s ode to Italian cannibal movies, The Green Inferno). One moment, the horror genre seems deader than the bodies it piles up on screen, staler than the air in the haunted houses it’s been fixated on for the past few years; the next, we’re treated to an embarrassment of riches. (I would love to know if there ever in the history of modern horror have been four solid entries into the genre released in one month. I doubt it. That it’s happening in 2015 blows my mind.) We should probably stop laughing at Shyamalan when his name pops onscreen during the trailers for his upcoming movies. Instead, we should be thanking the man.
Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels f.k.a. Balancing on Heels hits shelves in 272 days, wrote something yesterday. It was a post on the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android titled, “Fall Night Outfits.”
One of the biggest stories about horror cinema in 2015 is actually the story of a trailer: When the American preview for the Austrian film Goodnight Mommy dropped in late July, it immediately went viral inspiring a rash of reaction videos and copy deeming it the “scariest trailer of all time.” (At this point, the view count on the trailer is just under 6 million.)
Jennifer Aniston’s life is one big celebrity sexy party, and you know what: it’s fine. This weekend, Jen and her new husband Justin Theroux (actor) went on a “star-studded double date” in Austin, Texas, with Sandra Bullock and her new boyfriend, a “gorgeous” model/photographer named Bryan Randall. Damn.
In January, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she was writing her first book, due out in the spring of 2016. She said at the time that the tome—then titled Balancing on Heels—would be about “really just everything in my life.”
ATTN Taylor Swift and anyone who can keep a secret (this is private): Someone is trying to sell an “intimate photo” of Taylor Swift with the Scottish DJ Calvin Harris. Calvin Harris is, as Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris will loudly tell you, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend for real. It’s true! Radar reports:
