Defamer always welcomes tips from its readers, and we fully protect the anonymity of our tipsters the way that we ferociously guard our own.

From the Department of Badly Timed Announcements: Today News Corp (parent of Fox) reported a quarterly profit increase of 69 percent, largely powered by strong DVD sales, according to Reuters.

Are you like the roughly one million, bright-eyed ingenues who arrive in the fine city of Los Angeles each day, and want to make it in Hollywood? If so, don't unpack those suitcases just yet! You can hop right back onto a plane and fly to New York to attend actress Illeana Douglas' Knowledge Now seminar on "How To Make It In Hollywood."

Are you tired of looking at old pictures of your governor's shockingly out-of-proportion genitalia, which would look more appropriate on an East German swimmer than an action star? We know that we are. We must have wasted an hour yesterday, holding some calipers up to the monitor to try and translate the on-screen representation of Governor Arnold's "raw deal" into real-life inches. (We're not exactly sure the calipers would help, but we wanted the people in the library's other Internet terminals to think we were up to something scientific.)

An attendee of last night's Willie Nelson and Friends concert at the Wiltern sends us a report from the show. We were shocked [Ed.note—Shocked!] to hear insinuations that some of the storied musicians might have been performing while under the influence of one or more illegal substances. And we're somewhat heartened to find out that the original Batman is still alive and a recreational stage-diver.

To make a futile attempt at quenching the world's thirst for Friends spoilers, here is yet another installment. A tipster just sent this one, supposedly straight from a PA on the set...so maybe he or she might have missed something while fetching an In N Out burger for David Arquette. It seems to corroborate some of the Popbitch tips.

Popbitch presents a couple of spoilers that our spy didn't have. Just because we don't want to potentially ruin the fun of the 50 million viewers who will tune in to make peace with the end of the one thing that's given Gen X'ers lives some meaning, they're listed after the jump. (The plot points we didn't already reveal are in bold.)

With tonight's hour-long finale of sitcom and Bonafide Cultural Phenomenon Friends, we fully expected the critics to work themselves into a lather explaining What Friends Meant. We were not disappointed.

While we're pointing out the failings of major news organizations (who almost certainly can't claim the excuse that they ended their Cinco de Mayo celebration face-down in a toilet bowl, the chin string on their sombrero the only thing preventing them from drowning), we offer this:

Paramount Pictures has optioned the rights to former hit television series/paisley fever dream The Partridge Family. Just in case you were momentarily afraid that some iconoclastic, genre-bending genius is behind the Partridge plans, producer Billy Gerber said, "We aren't looking to make it some campy remake but a mainstream family movie in the vein of School of Rock." Whew, that was close. We feared a producer was going to have an original thought and deprive us of a comparison to a recent hit.

From Saturday's NYT's story on Michael Jackson's not guilty plea on 10 counts of sexual abuse of a 13-year-old boy:

BREAKING!!! MUST CREDIT "ACTUAL" REPORTERS FROM THE TRADES!

·"Whore Presents" stops giving it away.
·Fred Durst is perhaps worse at blogging than singing.
·Tattoo artists still hate Britney Spears.
·Kelsey Grammer unabashedly loves Bush and yet reporters don't light him on fire.
·MGM puts off its meeting to ponder getting taken over by Sony.

The Smoking Gun has a stack of FCC complaints filed against Oprah Winfrey for her infamous March "salad tossing" show, in which a frank discussion of teenage sexuality lead to a graphic description of licking assholes. Many of the complaints were apparently the work of irate Howard Stern fans, who has been repeatedly fined for often less graphic shenanigans.

This might be the strangest thing we come across all day. Page Six reports that a "mysterious" group of European backers have approached Mel Gibson about a possible takeover of Disney, impressed at how Gibson turned two hours of a billion Christians' personal savior getting his ass kicked into huge financial gains.

Ghen Maynard, the CBS/UPN reality executive behind Survivor, Big Brother The Amazing Race and America's Next Top Model, is dumping Les Moonves for Jeff Zucker and joining NBC as executive VP of primetime development, according to stories on Variety's and THR's websites.

Today, pseudonymous blogger/supposedly A-list actor Rance cheekily writes a letter in the guise of his parents, who apologize for their boy running around the Internet and pretending to be someone famous.

We admit to being woefully uninformed about current events that don't feature Hollywood or jailbait. But sometimes, geniuses like the guys at Low Culture bring us a beautiful intersection of what we like and "shit that matters."

We obtained a copy of ABC's Jessica Simpson sitcom pilot (the tentatively and eponymously titled Jessica) and with the help of some toothpicks propped under the eyelids, managed to sit through its 22 minute run.

Our pristine national pasttime has finally been penetrated by Hollywood's tainted lucre. ESPN reports (via a WSJ story) that advertising for Spider-Man 2 will be littered about major league baseball stadiums this summer. Webbed logos will appear on the bases and the batters' on-deck circles during play, and covers bearing advertising will be placed over home plate and the pitching rubber before the games start.