In his weeklong diary for Slate, Brit writer Toby Young takes the overdone observation that "fame is like a drug" and extrapolates it into a city-wide epidemic:

It's nearly time for the Cannes Film Festical, and as usual, the French have continued their annoying habit of insisting on having French movies in the competition. Though in a potentially good sign for Franco-Hollywood relations, they've reduced the number to three, down from the five of a year ago.

Like that extra, overlooked gift hidden under the Christmas tree, we discover this: "Sharon Stone Introduces the First-Annual Crest Whitestrips Style Awards", a press release for an awards show for behind-the-scenes stylists of many stripes and sponsored by Hollywood's favorite tooth-whitening solution.

Producer Neil Moritz (S.W.A.T., 2 Fast 2 Furious and its upcoming sequel—we can't resist, 3 Faster 3 Furiouser?) has signed on to bring the Johnny Depp TV vehicle 21 Jump Street to the big screen for Paramount.

The LAT reports that a trial date has been set in the Disney investors' lawsuit that claims the company's directors are responsible for former President/spectacular Disney failure Michael Ovitz's $140 million severance package.

The Federal Trade Commission has cleared the way for NBC's acquistion of Vivendi Universal. The FTC won't oppose the merger, which is expected to be completed in early or mid May. NBC was the last major network without a movie studio. Now, all their evil plans to cross-promote Will & Grace and Connie and Carla can come to delicious, neutered-gay fruition!

Earlier today, we made a crack about Ashton Kutcher's, ahem, mature taste in female companionship. This, of course, was before we learned that Mr. Punk'd is actually 5,782 years old. OK, it's in Kabbalah years, but still. As the kids say, that's hella old.

Indiewire is launching its own "invitation-only" blogging community. In case you haven't heard of this whole "bloggy" thing, they offer a helpful FAQ, What Is a Blog?

Susan Lyne is out as president of ABC Entertainment, Daily Variety is reporting. Touchstone TV head Stephen McPherson is expected to take over. ABC is planning on making an annoucement later today about the changes in their executive corp, so we'll know more about who's going to announce the latest Bachelorette installment for the Fall season.

The New York Times' Sharon Waxman takes a look at the boatloads of money movie studios are making on DVDs, which often subsidize a box office failure by recouping losses in the video market. Take Kill Bill, everyone's favorite multipart, splatterfest epic:

Carrie-Anne Moss will star in Mission: Impossible 3 alongside Tom Cruise. The latest, bound-to-be-overplotted installment of the Paramount Pictures franchise will start shooting this summer for a 2005 release.

Sitcom rerun factory TV Land will go dark during the series finale of Friends. As a further tribute to the comedy juggernaut, the channel will preempt their regular, rerun programming to play reruns of long-cancelled shows featuring the Friends cast, like the short-lived Ferris Bueller adaptation that starred Jennifer Aniston in the Jennifer Grey role, before either of them had undergone thousands of dollars in plastic surgery.

Obscure kitsch aficionado Quentin Tarantino is guest-directing tonight's Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Even the scions of Hollywood's super-wealthy need a little sweaty action, too. LA.com's insidery-monikered The Insider dishes a little about the love lives of Jennifer Meyer (daughter of Vivendi Universal's President Ron Meyer), who's shacking up with Spider-man, and David Katzenberg (son of Dreamworks SKG's "K," bite-sized Jeffrey Katzenberg), who's dating Mary-Kate Olsen.

In this first edition of Hollywood PrivacyWatch, where our Los Angeles-area readers send in their public sightings of their favorite stars (send them to tips@defamer.com), Carmen Electra is disgusted to ride the airways with the hoi polloi.

Writers Craig Moss and Steve Schoenburg have been hired to pen the remake of classic, risqu -for-its-time, adolescent sex romp Porky's, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Shock connoisseur Howard Stern is executive producing.

The FOX Network, which has revolutionized reality television by bringing us the millionaireless Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire and trying to find right-size brides for a dwarf on The Littlest Groom, is now trying to destroy the traditional, seasonal TV schedule.

Variety reports that 73% of participants in the Disney 401(k) plan voted against retainnig CEO Michael Eisner on the Disney board. The results are widely viewed as a no-confidence vote for Eisner's leadership of the company that's recently given us Home on the Range and The Alamo.

Earlier, we related the story of Christen Nelson's Grove encounter with Quentin Tarantino.

We've often reflected on exactly what effect a Tara Reid siting has on us, but historically we are too shitfaced to recall much past a hazy jumble with a blonde in too much eyeliner, an empty Absolut bottle, and shouted reminders to the effect of Don't you know who I am?