Sickening news broke this week that Rebel Wilson, an Australian actress previously believed to be a young woman is actually, in fact, old as hell.

It seems that Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent, perfect women who previously walked and kissed, have not broken up after all.

1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . SHOOT. Oh damn, you blew it. Rock wins. Rock always wins.

People are apparently upset that Beyoncé dumped what’s rumored to be a $20,000 bottle of Armand de Brignac champagne into a hot tub during the filming of her Nicki Minaj collabo, “Feeling Myself.” But it is dumb to be mad at Beyoncé, because that wine didn’t really cost $20,000, and even if it did, it would have been more expensive for her not to pour it out and frolic in the bubbles.

George and Amal are just too much.

In the wake of Bruce Jenner’s Diane Sawyer interview, rumors have swirled regarding the alleged re-shooting of tearful Kris Jenner scenes for E!’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians: About Bruce two-part special. In light of this controversy, Gawker called on an expert to determine exactly when the footage was filmed.

Kanye West: he’s always talking about something, but what? If you’re not sure, maybe you should ask Kim Kardashian. Last night, Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush asked Kim whether or not she’s a fan of her husband’s famous “rants,” and if she, you know, gets them. Kim explained:

Remember two years ago? I bet you wish you couldn’t. 2013 was the year of many things, but somewhere in there it was the year of the embarrassing Jay-Z career decision to release an album called Magna Carta Holy Grail, when instead he could have enjoyed an eternity of diving into a pile of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. Remember that record? Something something Basquiat Picasso something something Rothko Christie’s.

Years before the idea to write a book ever crossed her beautiful mind, Kristin Cavallari starred in a music video for a now-forgotten white guy with a guitar named Teddy Geiger. In the 2006 video for his song “For You I Will (Confidence),” Kristin plays an Ugg-wearing siren who haunts the bottom of a backyard pool.

I wasn’t born yesterday, but that’s when Jennifer Connelly says she bought her first computer. In an interview with Town & Country, the actress revealed that she’s a little behind the times—she doesn’t even tweet!

The Billboard Music Award statuette looks like a penis.

In 1979, The Clash released London Calling, an album thought by many to be one of the greatest of all time. Perhaps they should have called it London Complaining, however—or, more precisely, London Complaining About the Filming of the New James Bond Movie (Loud Helicopters, Etc.).

People claims “you’ll never guess” which book Jamie Foxx knows by heart. Uh, excuse me, People? Don’t tell us what we’ll never guess.

Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé inherently can’t do anything normally, even when they try. Case in point, is the new video for Minaj’s single “Feelin’ Myself,” which looks like some sort of Coachella home video but is actually browbeating promotion for Jay Z’s music streaming service Tidal.

Actress Rebel Wilson might play a college student in a terrible new movie I shan’t deign to identify here, but an old classmate of hers (no pun intended) says she hasn’t been one for a long time—longer than you think—no even longer than that!

Once upon a time, Brandon Flowers had hair on his face. Before that, his band The Killers released Hot Fuss, their very popular and good debut album. Now, Flowers has neither a beard nor a recent hit to his name, but he does have a Ziploc bag filled with seven years worth of his own shavings. Brandon, you’re a star.

When we last checked in with Lindsay Lohan, she needed to complete a mathematically implausible 115 hours of community service in 15 days, after failing to report to Duffield Children’s Center in Fort Green Monday and Tuesday. But things are looking up for Lindsay, because we can confirm she has served her community by trimming at least one (1) small tree branch.

Kristin Cavallari has done reality shows before, but would she do one again? The last time she was pregnant—with son Jaxon Wyatt, 12 months—she told Fit Pregnancy, “We get reality show offers all the time and we’re like, ‘No.’ Family is so sacred, why mess with that?”

On Sunday, I woke up promptly at 1:27 p.m. and decided to go to brunch in my neighborhood (Williamsburg, Brooklyn). Can you guess who was there? The actor Robert Pattinson.

After a whole nine months of silence, Nikki Finke has unveiled the newest iteration of her career: a website called HollywoodDementia.com, which is accompanied by a comeback manifesto that is shorter but no less bizarre than the one that came before it.