*Presses play on Haddaway* Hey, do you guys remember Chris Kattan? He was in a movie with Will Ferrell about dancing that was released when dinosaurs roamed the earth. In any event, Chris Kattan is still around, and it turns out he had a Sunday that was an acutely exquisite portrait of the sad life of a C-list celebrity.
One hundred sunsets into her memoir-writing journey, Kristin Cavallari has begun to steer the country away from fugly flats and into heels. Though her legislative gains have been meager—some might say non-existent—Kristin has attacked her overarching goal of putting her life’s work on the record with enthusiasm.
Last night’s Met Gala was a real yawn. The theme—China: Through the Looking Glass—threatened to be a hot pot of tacky appropriation, but instead celebrities erred on the side of average, dressing in clothes that were obviously unfit and much too unambitious for the fête of the year.
The photo above shows Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry sitting quite close to each other at the Met Ball last night. Did you know they have all been feuding for years? Probably not, but don’t worry—they’ve now decided they need each other.
Many days of Kristin ago, the world ceased to rotate on its axis for one brief moment when someone—specifically Kristin’s husband Jay Cutler’s coworker Kyle Long—stated that actress Olivia Munn was hotter than future author Kristin Cavallari. Breaking her legendary silence on the matter, Kristin remarked to Us Weekly last night that Kyle was just joking.
Last week, former rock band frontman and current yogurt salesman “Uncle” Jesse Katsopolis fired off an irate tweet about his adopted niece, the actress and fashion designer Michelle Tanner. While Uncle Jesse raised Michelle from infancy alongside her father, Danny, and a host of tenuously- or unrelated children and adults in a free-love style commune run out of a four-story San Francisco residence, his recent remarks could, at best, be deemed “uncharitable.”
In a 2011 interview with Life & Style, budding memoirist Kristin Cavallari described her personal style as “comfortable, flirty, and ever-changing.”
Two more women came forward at a press conference with Gloria Allred today to accuse Bill Cosby of sexual assault. One of the women, Lili Bernard, is an actress who played Mrs. Minnifield during the last season of The Cosby Show. The other, Sammie Mays, says Cosby attacked her at a TV conference.
It has come to our attention that Kristin Cavallari’s husband Jay Cutler’s birthday was on Wednesday (Taurus). He is 32. Happy birthday!
[Note: Some of the photos below are NSFW]: When you are Kim Kardashian, every year—1998, 2012, 40 A.D., the future—is a good year for you. Looking out over the hills of Calabasas or the boulevards of Paris, your kingdoms, both, you can feel proud of all you have wrought. Fame for you has expanded like a waist freed from a waist trainer, and in 2015, your notoriety continues to grow.
Given what you know (in your heart) about the gentle demeanor of Barbra Streisand’s beloved canine Samantha, the following information will shock you: Samantha viciously bit a flight attendant on Tuesday, sending her to the hospital for stitches. I know. [Charlotte voice] Samantha!
It’s not a particularly “fresh” “joke” to point out the similarities between Justin Bieber’s appearance and that of Ellen DeGeneres, but if it’s the truth, what else can you do. Lie? Do you want us to tell you a lie? We are not liars. Justin Bieber got a haircut, and he looks more like Ellen Degeneres than ever.
If you perused Instagram yesterday, you might have seen the following photo posted by future author Kristin Cavallari:
Did you know John Mayer has a multi-million dollar watch collection? Mayer, the kind of guy who probably refers to having sex with a woman as “getting snatch,” spoke with the New York Times about—you guessed it—watches. As if this guy couldn’t be more of a parody of himself—sensitive yet manly; sensual but horny; Steve Stifler with a Stratocaster and a chorus pedal—he also knows a thing or two about how to wear an item of jewelry whose only function is to tell you the time of day:
