As if making more Star Wars installments wasn't already enough of an affront to the original trilogy, classic villains are now taking promotional selfies too; the holidays will not be kind to Ryan Reynolds; Roseanne Barr has been offered the chance to do Vivid porn, which proves why no one really needs to pay for porn anymore; and Chris Hemsworth made out with someone pretending to be Natalie Portman in Thor, and no, it wasn't just that cheeky Loki.

The Nikki Finke-Jay Penske Deadline battle has taken a cinematic turn; Roger Ebert's family is trying to get his thumbs up memorialized in bronze; please stop all liquid intake at least 12 hours before The Wolf of Wall Street; and How I Met Your Mother continues to irk.

Fans at the Sydney premiere of Anchorman 2 were in for a surprise musical snack from the stars of the movie; Chris O'Dowd will die at the hands of James Franco; if you have Time Warner, you can finally watch Homeland anywhere you want, but why would you want to?; and Kanye West's plan for being a major designer is by first backing Adidas.

James Franco and Seth Rogen have far more sexual chemistry on a motorcycle than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will ever have; Family Guy mourned a loss last night; The Beastie Boys are going to fight for their right to not have their music used in commercials; and the sad Brittany Murphy saga carries on, as her mother releases an open letter today.

Doctor Who is turning into a Google Doodle game, so say goodbye to productivity this Friday; Hugh Jackman had a terrifying brush with cancer; Oprah and a former stripper have teamed up to write an HBO show; and the trailer for Nymphomaniac has blow jobs in it and yet manages to still not be sexy.

Amy Poehler singing campy movie musical classics is one of the best things ever, tied for first place with everything else Poehler does; Sony will be cutting back its movies in favor of focusing on television; Monty Python wants you to like their new material as much as their classics; and Google Chromecast just added HBO Go to their list of offerings, giving some serious competition to Roku and AppleTV.

Kevin Spacey is taking a page from the Francis Underwood Negotiations Playbook; Channing Tatum is exercising his groin…for you; the greatest wedding of our time is well on its way; and you can now buy movies and shows you don't really want for a very expensive price from Comcast.

Sarah Silverman shared some amazing words about female genitalia; you can now rent your favorite Bravo reality stars; the musical Justins spark international incidents: Timberlake by adding two concerts in notoriously homosexual-hating Russia, and Bieber by lying about hanging with Mexico's president.

Ben Affleck will not be helping Adam Driver save Hannah from her OCD, and really, herself; The Walking Dead's Frank Darabont teaches a master class in how to express your disgust at being fired; Anchorman 2 must really be a steaming pile of shit, since they just made yet another lame marketing tie-in; and let's be honest, Almost Human is just Small Wonder set in a station house, right?

Drugs! Cheating! Scandal! The new Rob Ford talk show will fit quite nicely into the reality TV ecosystem; Harry Potter is bringing a little of his magic stateside; someone finally remembered to check with Julie Andrews about The Sound of Music remake; and Chris Hardwick continues to be everywhere, on every network.

Ryan Seacrest wants kids to be just like him: no athletic ability, but a keen understanding of pop culture; Angelina Jolie's cheekbones are intended to terrify you; NBC relies on bribery to coax their actors into working; and your S&M fantasies just got pushed back six months by Universal.

The Entourage movie might cast Kate Upton, because, obviously; The Wahlberg brothers are turning to reality television, because it worked out so well for Clint Eastwood; Alec Baldwin is not a good news show host; and Brad Pitt's Fury has invoked that reaction from the Brits.

If you haven't vomited on Ryan Reynolds yet, now is your chance; Angela Lansbury is on the case to change the title of the new Murder, She Wrote remake; Star Wars is looking for you to star in Star Wars VII; Joss Whedon has drawn the ire of feminists, while giving a speech in support of equality and feminism.

Lionsgate wants to open a theme park for children about children killing children; Matthew McConaughey's drawl is being celebrated in Palm Springs; Cynthia Nixon is such a Miranda; and Kristen Schaal hopes to slay you in her new ABC comedy.

Jimmy Kimmel speaks to "Rob Ford" about drunken stupors; Cameron Diaz can't act her way out of a bad accent; superhero overkill is coming to Netflix; and Olivia Benson is getting exactly what she deserves.

A kiss from Melissa Joan Hart could really ruin your career; Rachel gets The Rachel, even though she really used to hate The Rachel; Harvey Weinstein is already scheming for 2016 to back the president with the most pull at the Mars Chocolate Company; and CBS is still so mad at Dan Rather.

How I Met Your Mother will be doing something extremely annoying, because hey, last season; Berlin instead of Hungary is the new home of The Grand Budapest Hotel; monthly DirecTV payments are equal to the monthly lease on a mid-size sedan; and you just might be getting the Ramones movie you didn't know you wanted.

Nick Offerman finds yet another way to reference sex; One Fine Day when she first came to Hollywood, Michelle Pfeiffer was in a cult; Anchorman 2 wants all your money; and Netflix just wants an oscar.

Looks like the Hannah-Marnie frenemies storyline really is art imitating life; Kerry Washington reminds us that being Olivia Pope isn't our aspirational dream, being Kerry Washington is; Connie Britton's hair is ready to play evil instead of good; and Time Warner Cable is even worse than it was before.

Aziz Ansari releases the second preview of his upcoming standup special and it's magical; The Flight of the Conchords isn't back, but Bret McKenzie is with a new animated show; Jonah Hill's jeans should win a best at supporting an actor's paunch Oscar; and Amy Poehler has really rubbed Rob Lowe the wrong way.