Girls finds more ways to grate; Entourage is finally going to be turned into a movie; the latest Breaking Bad meme is hilarious; Jimmy Kimmel may have sparked an international incident.
True Detective looks more like true sex (with some grisly murder stuff sprinkled in); Jason Sudeikis knocked up Oliva Wilde (and women across America now hate Olivia Wilde); Paramount is suing Brad Pitt because they didn't believe in him (twice, now, for anyone keeping count); and Netflix blames movie theaters for hating Netflix because they're all not Netflix.
Getting Bill Murray to do your movie only costs a tiny bit more than getting him to come to your kegger; There's a happy ending for Eliza Coupe (sorry, sorry); Sean Hayes is the last person to realize having a show on NBC actually is worse than having no show at all; The Scandal recaps are coming from within the building.
Netflix is hinting at a little more Crazy Eyes while we all wait desperately for Season 2; NPH remains the best at everything ever (except hosting the Emmys, but neither here nor there); the BBC is now taking on bad reality TV fare; the Wikileaks movie had nowhere near the impact of actual Wikileaks.
George Lucas' first directing paycheck is almost a tenth of a percent of his current one; Bryan Cranston is funny in a "you had to be there" kind of way; Paula Deen's portrait was hung at a Food Network event last night, and not just to be burned in effigy; Dreamworks is taking a page out of the Universal playbook and developing a crappy movie based on a cheap toy.
SNL quickly releases host announcements to refute lack of diversity claims; Charlie Hunnam seemingly overstepped his boundaries before departing 50 Shades; Alexis Bledel is trying to play half her age in a new movie; and India has a new superhero, thanks to Marvel.
Human jelly beans and BFFS Teenz and Ames will be hosting the Golden Globes again, hurrah!; Kelso is the richest man on your 62"; Michael Fassbender and little Michael Fassbender will not be campaigning for an Oscar this year; Aaron Paul has turned Bitch! into a song.
Madonna gets banned from a movie theater for poor use of insults; Charlie Hunnam drops out of 50 Shades of Grey because no reason, definitely not cold feet or anything; Bill Murray won't be able to come to your parties for a few weeks—he's got a REAL job to do—and Edward Norton will be trying to save a show that should be taken out back and humanely shot between the eyes.
If Dreamworks got its way, Breaking Bad would have lasted just a little longer; you can now watch Rupert Grint be super charming in Super Clyde, the pilot CBS stupidly passed on; Hollywood is going to bat for ex-Focus Features CEO James Schamus; even award-winning editing can't help Justin Timberlake, and that's saying something.
Tom Hanks isn't just fighting pirates, a larger battle is raging on inside his body; it's Showtime's fault that the finale of Dexter sucked; Cory Feldman's reputation has been ruined thanks to a little blog that could; Woody Allen loves lung cancer, hates lung cancer awareness.
Saturday Night Live has found a new way to offend—and I don't just mean its subpar cast; The Mindy Project finally landed a guest star after two seasons of begging for one; your tweets are now being counted into what keeps a show on the air; and The Simpsons has been renewed the gazillionth time.
Contrary to popular belief, CBS does not greenlight shows solely on the basis of flatulence; anti-bullying initiatives find a new medium for their message; asshole extraordinaire director rises to the top despite being an asshole; and Disney decides to tackle the truly dark stuff: angry princesses.
Being a DJ is the new being a lazy drug addict when it comes to jobs for celebrity children; Vine is the way to become a celebrity drug addict when you don't have famous parents; Sleepy Hollow got picked up for season 2 and ughhhhh I can't it's so awful just stop; Exxon is suing FXX over a logo, because those are the pressing matters at hand, not oil spill cleanups.
Being a stagehand is about to become the new hot profession; talking bears are the new vampires; Ron Swanson is a shoplifter of Kotex; and a beloved TV character returns to the small screen!
Pamela Anderson's curvaceous cantaloupes will be bouncing up to her chin yet again. The Republicans Grinched us out of our Hilary documentaries. YouTube is awarding things to people for god knows what reason. Tom Hanks may or may not serenade his wife with "Your sex takes me to paradise."
Robin Williams spanked Michael J. Fox, Zach Galifianakis spanked Justin Bieber, and Kanye west spanked Jimmy Kimmel, who basically spanked him right back.
Arrested Development will definitely, maybe be back on Netflix whether you like it or not; Sony is shooting celebrities into space, godwilling; Tommy Pickles might be Adam Levine's new BFF, and Officer Gordon is getting his own show because, like, fuck that Batman dude.
Allison Williams literally reveals it all in the name of work; "The dog ate my homework!" and other bad excuses from Justin Timberlake; Jon Hamm will be undergoing a procedure to surgically remove that beard from his neck; Amy Poehler rules all, even when rapping about butter.
The Emmys, as expected, were boring as fuck. There were some great moments (below) which punctuated an otherwise three hour circle jerk of Hollywood's third-finest because film is greater than Broadway which is greater than television. Suck on that, smallest screen stars.
