On Sunday, avant-garde performance artist Shia LaBeouf introduced his latest character, the white rapper persona “Shia LaBeouf,” with a freewheeling freestyle touching on everything from how he eats rivals (like tuna casserole) to how he gets it (like he’s got it).

Shia LeBeouf, a talking man who was once blessedly silent, went to the hospital Wednesday after injuring himself doing a stunt for the upcoming film American Honey. “The actor was supposed to put his head through a glass window in one scene, but a mishap caused his head to be cut, along with his index finger,” Variety reports. (The mishap was probably that he put his head through a glass window?)

Dance Moms star and unfiltered ray of UV light from a Solar Storm 220V 24 lamp tanning bed Maddie Ziegler has finally cleared up some of the misconceptions about the Sia music video she recently starred in with Shia LaBeouf. Chiefly, that Shia LaBeouf does NOT smell good, he smells bad.

In Los Angeles, accidentally working out near movie stars is considered especially common. Today, my friend exercised next to Shia LaBeouf, who was wearing jeans, for an hour. This is her story.

The story of how grizzled vagabond Shia LaBeouf was arrested by police for showing up wasted to a Broadway production of Cabaret continues to be told, primarily because everyone involved won't stop talking about it. And last night on Conan, it was Cabaret star Alan Cumming's turn.

Professional public spectacle Shia LaBeouf was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and pursuant to the celebrity debacle news cycle, he recounted his June night of drunken misbehavior like it was a hilarious anecdote that anyone could relate to. His story of that night involves: The World Cup, drinking, chasing down a homeless marine, more drinking, being invited to see Cabaret, even more drinking, groping a man's ass, more drinks, and spitting on a cop's shoe.

Haunted beardo Shia LaBeouf kicked off his "I'm normal now, LOL" tour today on The Ellen Show, where he claimed he's been behaving badly for the past year or so because his parents never loved him. He's also "sorry" about that time he spit on a cop. "That's a no-no," he admitted.

This afternoon, Shia LaBeouf pled guilty to disorderly conduct for his drunken actions—"watch my shit," yeeeeeaaaaahhhh," etc.—at a Broadway production of Cabaret in June.

Yup. Just running some errands.

James Franco, prize-winning blogger and talented poet, is now conquering the self-indulgent world of New York Times op-eds. In Thursday's newspaper, "actor and artist" Franco uses his incredible way with words to highlight his empathy toward Shia LaBeouf while actually addressing the only issue that really matters: himself.

For fuck's sake, make it all stop. Plagiarizing monster, heartbreaking loon, and dabbling artist Shia LaBeouf now has competition. Actor Jerry O'Connell has apparently started his own art exhibit, #IAMSORRYTOO, next to LaBeouf's #IAMSORRY.

On Tuesday, serial plagiarist and "not famous" famous actor Shia LaBeouf invited the public to join him at his latest cry for help in Los Angeles. According to the press release for his new performance entitled "#IAMSORRY," LaBeouf will be "in situ" at an art gallery for six days so he can apologize for his sins.

Shia LaBeouf, the plagiarizing "artist" who is no longer famous, is finally ready to take the stage and share his Metamodernist Manifesto with Los Angeles. And he wants to wear a special mask while he does it.

[Shia LaBeouf announced his retirement Thursday night alongside the mysterious message "#stopcreating." But LaBeouf's love of writing combined with his love of the sky pulled him back into the artistic fold Friday afternoon. "#stopcreating," opined LaBeouf in the skies over Beverly Hills. So deep, man. So fucking deep.]

Shia LaBeouf is on fire lately: stealing words, apologizing, renting planes, apologizing again, trying to make profound commentary about intellectual property but instead making commentary on actors lacking intellect. Now, in the hope of not being forgotten, he's gone ahead and borrowed from Kanye's 2009 apology to Taylor Swift:

Shia LaBeouf is very very sorry for plagiarizing Daniel Clowes' graphic novel Justin M. Damiano. And he can't stop apologizing for it. He's apologized so much he even ran out of his own words and had to steal apologies from famous people including Kanye West, Robert McNamara, Tiger Woods, and Shepherd Fairey.

No one in the world—not even those who genuinely love Duck Dynasty—could love Duck Dynasty more than Shia LaBeouf right now. Because while everyone else is debating freedom of speech vs. the male anus, LaBeouf continues to quietly and shamelessly exercise his freedom to steal speech. The LaBeouf Plagiarism Train of 2013 shows no sign of stopping; at this point, he's either the world's biggest asshole and doing it on purpose, or the world's stupidest asshole and can't stop himself.

It’s been a pretty shitty summer. We’ve lost our privacy, our faith in the justice system, James Gandolfini, and our dignity. And now, it is with great sadness that I announce the latest Summer 2013 loss: the young Hollywood action star. May God rest his soul.