Morrissey, famous dirge singer and old-timey English racist, claims a TSA agent inappropriately fondled his junk as he was passing through San Francisco International Airport en route back to London Monday afternoon.

Have you ever wondered how Kristin Cavallari, who announced her debut book roughly 500 days before its scheduled publication date, “does it all”? Beauty blog Byrdie.com conspires to exclusively answer this question in a new interview with Kristin. It’s titled:

World-weary 17-year-old Kylie Jenner, who recently celebrated her graduation from online high school with a party that may or may not have been covered in cocaine, has a big birthday coming up. Know who’s excited? The Canadian entrepreneur who’s hosting her **OFFICIAL LEGAL (IN CANADA) TEEN ALCOHOL PARTY ;)** at his nightclub.

Jose Canseco, former baseball guy who currently manages a Twitter account and recently blew off his middle finger, would like to demonstrate his support for Caitlyn Jenner. “A normal, non-offensive way?” you’re wondering. No!!!

On September 29, 2009, The Daily Beast released a blockbuster report that shook our nation to its core. With its publication, previously guarded information became public to American citizens for the first time: the (inflated) salaries of the women and men then starring on MTV’s reality TV dramedy The Hills.

You can be mean, or you can be dumb, but only one of the two. Really, you can technically be whatever you want, but if you are both mean and dumb, you’re going to have an extremely hard time making it in a world where success often depends greatly on the ability to connect with other people. Immense beauty can render this rule of thumb irrelevant, but that’s rare and fleeting and, eventually, irrelevant itself.

Does Chris Harrison, the good-looking, charismatic host of the popular marriage competition television show The Bachelor, know that Lifetime has a series about the behind-the-scenes of a popular marriage competition television show? You better believe he does.

In a 2013 interview with Chicago blog “A Drink With,” Kristin Cavallari finally answered the question Chicago blog “A Drink With” was dying to ask: What were her son Camden’s first words?

SPOILER ALERT (just kidding, the following information was spoiled weeks ago by selfish people who do not pay attention to legal contracts): Last night on the season finale of The Bachelorette, Kaitlyn Bristowe picked Ryan Gosling “lookalike” Shawn Booth in the final rose ceremony. Surprise—not.

Noted tweeter Azealia Banks took on the entire continent of Australia yesterday after a radio presenter (Paul “Browny” Brown) tweeted, with shade intended, “...Congratulations to @AZEALIABANKS for completing her First Ever Full Australian Concert at @SITG.” Wow—rude.

Fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari has offered her followers yet another “sneak peek” into the her life via an ad for her mid-priced shoe line, Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry. The following short Instagram video—intended to sell the public on shoes designed by Kristin Cavallari—shows Kristin balancing in heels of all colors, smiling, and not saying anything:

Bobbi Kristina Brown never got to choose her fame; it just happened to her. The daughter of two superstars, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, notoriety was her birthright. Being on display was her lifestyle. That was never more clear than when she was on her deathbed.

Bobbi Kristina Brown, the daughter of the late Whitney Houston and singer Bobby Brown, died at a hospice center in Atlanta on Sunday, E! News reports. She was 22.

It has come to our attention (via Kristin) that a person who calls herself “Coke Breath” has positively reviewed the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android.

Earlier this week, Kristin Cavallari received flowers from a loved one: People StyleWatch magazine.

Kristin Cavallari, a woman who does not eat egg whites, additives, “parabins,” or most shrimp (unless she knows where the shrimp is coming from), must consume something to survive. But what? Last year, the blog “The Skinny Confidential” helpfully compiled a list of things Kristin has admitted to eating (in writing).

In 2011, Kristin Cavallari—whose debut memoir Balancing in Heels (f.k.a. Balancing on Heels) is due out in 321 days—competed as a Star on the 13th season of Dancing with the Stars. She was the third contestant to be eliminated, besting only Metta World Peace and one of George Clooney’s ex-girlfriends.

Someone—Taylor’s PR team, maybe?—realized this dumb Twitter fight with Nicki Minaj was making everyone not named Katy Perry look bad.

On Wednesday afternoon, one day after rapper Nicki Minaj and white rapper Taylor Swift became embroiled in an extremely heated Twitter exchange about race and about nothing, area woman Katy Perry tweeted this:

Last week, we recounted the time in 2010 that Kristin Cavallari publicly offered advice to Lindsay Lohan via a CNN reporter at Comic-Con. The advice—for a recently incarcerated Lindsay—was this: