In 2012, years before Kristin Cavallari ever considered writing the book she now claims to have finished, Dear Doctor–a magazine for dental professionals and patients that I have never personally seen but am willing to believe exists—posed a question to its readers. “Who’s got the best celebrity smile of 2012?”
Earlier this week, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she has finished writing her debut “lifestyle” “book,” Balancing in Heels. The project—originally titled Balancing on Heels—is set for publication many, many months from now. When will we, the wretched, be able to purchase it?
OT VII Tom Cruise performs some of his own stunts when filming Mission: Impossible movies and never lets you hear the end of it. This one, however, sounds impressive: Cruise recently revealed to USA Today that he held his breath for over six minutes while filming an underwater scene for the upcoming Mission: Impossible 69 (I assume).
Last night, Rihanna sat courtside at Game 1 of the NBA Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors (stay with me!). Sitting next to her was Warriors owner Joe Lacob, pictured right. This was exciting for everyone except for one person: Lacob’s fianceé, who made very sure her husband-to-be didn’t get too much face time with perhaps the most alluring celebrity on Earth.
Melissa McCarthy reteams with director Paul Feig (Bridesmaids, The Heat) in Spy, which opens today. As usual, McCarthy’s character is considered wholly unappealing by almost everyone she encounters. This is entirely related to her character’s appearance, which is to say Melissa McCarthy’s appearance. This is her brand. Below are some of the ways in which McCarthy’s character, Susan, is humiliated throughout the movie.
Last week, Jeremy Renner’s publicist, Susan Patricola, took umbrage with a story we published about Jeremy Renner crashing a wedding in Houston, Texas. In search of truth, we asked readers to reach out if they or anyone they knew attended the confirmed Jeremy Renner-crashed and allegedly Jeremy Renner-ruined wedding reception.
In our post-Snowden era, the importance of safeguarding our cyber-connected devices against triflin’ eyes has never been more clear, or more urgent. Just ask permanent musical teen and avid sex practitioner Bow Wow, who’s just shared a handy guide for avoiding computerized surveillance while fucking one’s fans.
The deepest and most organic death is death in solitude, when even light becomes a principle of death. In such moments you will be severed from life, from love, smiles, friends and even from death. And you will ask yourself if there is anything besides the nothingness of the world and your own nothingness.
As of this writing, the profile picture on professional actor Will Smith’s Facebook page has one and a half million likes. It is a black and white photograph of the actor’s face obscured partially by a blurred, spread-fingered hand. It is cropped to the incorrect proportions for Facebook, where the professional actor has categorized himself as a Musician/Band. If you are in need of a deep happy sob, go to this page—it am legend.
Critics agree: Aloha is the worst film Cameron Crowe has ever made (reminder: Cameron Crowe made We Bought a Zoo). Sony Pictures exec Amy Pascal infamously wrote in a leaked email that “It never … Not even once … ever works.” But the least workable thing, according to Cameron Crowe, is that you got mad when he cast the translucently white Emma Stone as a woman who’s a quarter Asian. Cameron Crowe is sorry you were offended.
Dave Matthews once sang, “crash into me.” Then he sang, “and I’ll come into you,” making the song racier than you thought. Recently he surprised a fan by shoving his face in her car window while she was stuck in traffic. Coincidence?
Since 19 Kids and Counting’s Josh Duggar admitted that when he was a teenager he molested some of his sisters, many have backed away from the reality TV family—TLC execs and former Duggar-backed candidate for president Rick Santorum included. But the Duggars still have their supporters. I know this because they’ve emailed me.
E! officially announced Caitlyn Jenner’s forthcoming reality show this morning with a one-minute clilp that features Caitlyn applying makeup at her home. “You start learning kind of the pressure women are under all the time about their appearance,” she says as she powders her face before heading “out into the world.”
“Can we please get started now? This is an interview.”
Jake Gyllenhaal—an actor whose face you’d like to punch—is back on the press circuit, this time for his new boxing movie, Southpaw. While one hoped Gyllenhaal would have discussed how his character is influenced by the real-life struggles of Marshall “Eminem” Mathers during an interview with British Esquire, Gylly had moon matters on the brain.
