Twilight Saga perpetrator Stephenie Meyer has been working for a few years on Midnight Sun, a novel that retells the first Twilight book from the point of view of the creepy 100-year-old vampire who’s obsessed with a teenage girl for some reason. Twilight fans are fiending for the new book, but Meyer says it will never be released—especially now that Grey has ripped off her entire premise. She seems a little pissed?

Oh shit—did you hear this news?

A refresher course on Justin Bieber’s dad. He’s allegedly: abandoned Bieber’s mother, roundhouse kicked a woman in the face, harassed a fight attendant so badly that she cowered in a cockpit, thrown a dog off a balcony and trashed an apartment paid for by his son. And he dresses like every day is Halloween during the year Malibu’s Most Wanted came out.

Malcolm-Jamal Warner, who played Theo Huxtable on The Cosby Show, is now speaking out about the dozens of women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. He told the Associated Press on Thursday that he’s primarily upset about the tarnished legacy of The Cosby Show.

Daniel Craig recently stopped by Time Out on a media tour promoting the upcoming James Bond film Spectre. The film is the latest in a sexy series which Craig tells Time Out he’d—hmm, oh, rather slash his wrists than continue to be a part of. Pre-sale tickets available now!

Kristin Cavallari, the rich mean girl from Laguna Beach, recently attended Fashion Week in New York City. During this time, she saw The Blonds runway show, for which she wore a hair weave:

What does a ring mean? Eternal devotion. Love. Fidelity. Never-ending...circle. π×r², in a way. What does a ring mean to Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent, specifically? Well, that’s the mystery.

Former almost-Kennedy Taylor Swift has learned a lesson, she says, from losing her public battle with Nicki Minaj over the VMAs earlier this year.

John Stamos, famous for playing an allegedly cool dude who lived in his brother-in-law’s attic, was arrested back in June for driving under the influence; his silver Benz was spotted swerving dangerously through Beverly Hills. Now TMZ reports what he was allegedly under the influence of: GHB, a sedative perhaps best known as a date rape drug.

In the case of Justin Bieber’s dick, the verdict is now in.

Kristin Cavallari, an important designer for the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry shoe label, is having a good week. This is due to the fact that Kristin’s fringed “Cassie” boot made it into Life & Style Weekly’s “Designer or Deal?” column. The point of the column, if you’re not familiar and bad at guessing, is to get readers to guess which of two similar items is a “designer” piece, and which is a “deal.”

During a panel discussion on The Meredith Viera Show today about Ashley Judd’s recent comments on sexual harassment in Hollywood, former ‘N SYNC member Lance Bass revealed that when he was a teen, “someone” who worked with the boy band inappropriately touched him.

Recently-divorced Blake Shelton and recently-divorced Gwen Stefani are both judges on The Voice—we know this for sure, from advertisements in the subway. But what we aren’t sure about from advertisements in the subway is: are they flirting?

In the latest issue of the New York Times magazine, Nicki Minaj says something extremely well-reasoned regarding Miley Cyrus’s engagement with black culture. It is pointed and specific without getting unfairly personal or malicious. All internet thinkpieces should strive for its tone and succinctness. In fact, it is, in a paragraph, the ultimate internet thinkpiece:

As someone who has enjoyed Madonna’s work for the past 30+ years, Matthew Rettenmund’s Encyclopedia Madonnica 20 interests me. But as someone who engages with extreme human behavior for my job, Matthew Rettenmund’s Encyclopedia Madonnica 20 fascinates me. And the behavior I’m most fascinated by is not Madonna’s, but Rettenmund’s.

Hell hath no fury like a woman forced to film multiple enraged scenes about how her former husband who is now a woman named Caitlyn badmouthed her to Vanity Fair well over a month after the article in question is released. Kris Jenner’s fury is impressive, but especially when you consider that these scenes filmed well over a month after Caitlyn Jenner cast her as Satan’s bride.

Though she has described herself as “not a big internet girl,” celebrated memoirist Kristin Cavallari recently joined Facebook. Something’s going on there:

“How can Will Smith work alongside Jared Leto for six months without ever meeting Jared Leto?” It’s a classic riddle—one which has teased the brains of newborn and elderly alike for eons. “A river,” you guess, like an idiot. “A coffin,” you guess, like another idiot. “The surgeon is his mother.” No.

Danny Pintauro, who played squeak-voiced Jonathan on the classic ‘80s sitcom Who’s the Boss, recently came out as HIV positive on an episode of Oprah: Where Are They Now?, and was subsequently barraged with idiotic questions that revealed new sides to the deep ignorance of Candace Cameron Bure on The View (“I want to know, do you take responsibility for your actions? For being promiscuous, going into a lifestyle of having heightened sex because of the meth that you were using? I want to know what the message is. Because you want to be the face of HIV, to give that a face. But what is the message that you have? What does that mean?”).

Rachel Dolezal, former Spokane, Wash. NAACP leader, gained infamy over the summer for being white instead of what she said she was: black. What does Rihanna think about Rachel Dolezal? I’m so glad you asked.