Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale: divorcing, as I’m sure you’ve heard. There were probably a number of factors that went in to the decision, but this week, reports surfaced that Gwen discovered—via the cloud—that Gavin cheated on her with the nanny. So why is he still wearing his wedding ring?

Where’s that nanny? No, not this nanny, that nanny. Christine Ouzounian. The nanny who allegedly hooked up with her boss, Ben Affleck, triggering one of the biggest celebrity divorces of the summer. (Ben Affleck denies cheating.) You may remember Ouzounian doing the following:

Perhaps you’ve seen the news: Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani both divorced; Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani flirting on The Voice; Gavin Rossdale reportedly cheated on Gwen Stefani with the nanny for three years; Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani dating for real. What about Christina Aguilera?

On the radio show Rove & Sam this morning, Chris Martin offered a peek into his old life with Gwyneth Paltrow, the woman from whom he “consciously uncoupled” (“consciously uncoupled”) last year. He made it sound bad.

Despite the fact that the two had an “affectionate” coffee date in the presence of paparazzi two months ago, Halle Berry and her French husband of two years Olivier Martinez are officially divorcing. The tabloids have long predicted that the couple would split, so congratulations to them.

Though you can watch them together every Monday at 8/7c on CBS, Big Bazinga co-stars Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki are NOT secretly dating, despite some gossip reports that said they were. Horse friend Kaley put rumormongers on blast last night by stating clearly on Instagram that she and Johnny are “just the best of buds.”

Kaley Cuoco—star of the popular Bird Bop program on CBS, now airing Mondays at 8/7c—announced her divorce from her husband of 21 months, Ryan Sweeting, on Friday. Since then she’s been doing stuff with horses.

Today in a Los Angeles court, a judge overturned a divorce settlement agreement signed by Terrence Howard and his ex-wife Michelle Ghent, saying that Howard only consented to the contract under the pressures of “extortion or duress.” That duress was applied to the state of Howard’s dick.

Megan Fox, who’s starring in the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sequel*, has dumped Brian Austin Green, who starred in the original Beverly Hills 90210. Us Weekly reports that the married couple decided to split six months ago, but Fox, 29, officially separated from Green, 42. They were together for 11 years and married for five.

Though her alleged romance with Ben Affleck has (allegedly) ended, the Afflecks’ former nanny Christine Ouzounian has not given up on love. In fact, she’s prepared to shit where she eats again: Page Six reports Ouzounian is interested in a job as The Bachelorette on the dating reality show The Bachelorette.

[Her and him] / [They] used to be together / [12 years] together / [Now? Not so much]

Country queen Miranda Lambert and reality competition show lifestyle coach Blake Shelton announced yesterday that after four years of marriage, they’re getting divorced. The couple first met at CMT’s 100 Greatest Duets Concert in 2005. Shelton later stated he fell in love with Lambert that night, during their eye-fucking performance of “You’re The Reason God Made Oklahoma.”

It’s Wednesday, which means America’s beloved gossip rags have released their new issues for the week. Us Weekly’s cover shouts: “GAMBLING, BOOZE, & CHEATING: JEN’S SECRET HELL” alongside an artfully tattered photo of soon-to-be divorced actors Jen Garner and Ben Affleck. People, the mag that spent the last month groveling at the Afflecks’ feet to get the coveted divorce exclusive, promises something different on its cover: The real story.

After 10 years and one day of marriage, actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced last week that they’ve decided to divorce. We knew this was coming, but still, we ask: why? What happened in between falling in love on the set of Daredevil (2004) and moving out of a shared bedroom in their Los Angeles home and into different, private areas of that same home?

After 10 years of marriage, Ben Affleck and Jen Garner are breaking up. Why? People has the exclusive scoop: It’s because “they are really two different people.” Also, per a source: Ben “was a good husband and loves and cares for his wife and family. He was juggling that as well as his career—everyone knows that juggling a family and career is hard.”

Cue the laugh track, because we’ve got a reckless sitcom on our hands: according to reports, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are still going to live together after their divorce. Page Six explains: “Ben, who has been staying in hotels in recent months, will live on the property of their Brentwood marital home, but will not share the main house.”

Rumors about Jennifer Garner and her husband Ben Affleck’s impending divorce have been swirling for years (remember the Blake Lively car ride?). But they’ve picked up again with a vengeance, after a Radar report that Ben spent Jen’s birthday alone, in Canada—Canada!—without his wedding ring. So if the divorce is just matter of when, not if, the only remaining question is: Who gets the exclusive?

Could beloved celebrity couple “Bennifer 2” be well on their way to a new celebrity nickname: “Jen it’s not your fault” and “He’s such an asshole”? I don’t know, I don’t live in their home or spend much time with them, but I’d stake my reputation on the fact that it seems not out of the realm of possibility.

One of Hollywood’s great mysteries may have finally been solved. Did celebrity chef Bobby Flay once have an affair with professional blonde person January Jones? According to divorce documents allegedly filed by Flay’s ex-wife and one-time fictional attorney Stephanie March, the answer is: yes, everywhere and all the time!

Does the air feel a bit heavier? Does the ground underneath your feet feel as though it could open up and swallow you whole at any moment? Does your heart feel a bit...heavier? Well, my friend, it may be because Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow—public figures, parents to Apple and Moses (humans)—have officially filed for divorce.