The 34^th annual Razzie nominations were announced Wednesday morning, highlighting the terrible films we've watched on planes, in theaters with our parents, and alone, all alone, on Saturday nights. As expected, Grown Ups 2 and The Lone Ranger dominate the competitive field, but it's really hard to celebrate the worst of 2013 when the so-called "best" movies weren't even particularly exciting.

Come on, Lil Za. Justin Bieber's lil partner in crime was arrested for felony drug possession during Tuesday's search. But according to sources, Za was minutes from posting bail and being released when he "flipped out and smashed a phone in the jailhouse." He's now being re-booked on vandalism charges.

[Jon Hamm films scenes for season seven of Mad Men in downtown Los Angeles Tuesday morning. Here the Hilton Checkers Hotel at 535 S Grand Ave stands in for the Algonquin Hotel in New York City. Image via Wenn]

This year the Oscars will "honor big-screen real-life heroes, super heroes, popular heroes and animated heroes, both past and present, as well as the bold filmmakers who bring them to life," show producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron said in a news release. More proof that Hollywood loves a stupid theme party.

According to rumors, Charlie Sheen's new girlfriend Brett Rossi is jealous of his ex-wife Denise Richards and wants her to leave the neighborhood they all share. According to Twitter, Charlie Sheen thinks Denise Richards is an oinky shit-slinging pig.

Justin Bieber, the Prince Charming of Calabasas, was detained in his garage this morning while Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies served a felony search warrant in his home related to an egging incident at his neighbor's house. According to Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore, Bieber is being "cooperative."

The gods at 20^th Century Fox are sending mana from heaven in the form of a Magic: The Gathering movie. Announced Monday, the studio has acquired screen rights to the fantasy card game from Hasbro in the hopes of launching "a massive franchise on the scale of Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings."

Aaron Sorkin's Newsroom has been renewed for a third and final season on HBO. This news is not nearly as interesting or fun as the current rumor that Sorkin is dating rocker Courtney Love.

[The Red Hot Chili Peppers are all set to join Bruno Mars at the Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show on February 2 at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Flea, the bassist for the RHCP, is already planning—and then subsequently deleting from Twitter—crowdsourced choreography questions. Image via Twitter]

No one watching Sunday night's Golden Globes wondered who did Jared Leto's hair because his greasy man bun / half pony style screamed DIY. But like most of Hollywood, Leto's low-key weird hair was only an illusion—an illusion brought to you by hair professionals and aged sea salt spray.

A group of sad rich people paid $4,200 each for the Golden Globes package at the Beverly Hilton this weekend. The extraordinarily bad value included two nights at the hotel, one dinner, a gift bag from the spa, and a bleacher seat for the sewage-scented red carpet.

The 2014 Golden Globe Awards hit a 10-year high in viewers, with 20.9 million people watching Jacqueline Bisset on NBC shout "Shit!" before babbling into the microphone for an eternity. More people still watched football, as the Broncos / Chargers game pulled in 36.3 million viewers for CBS.

Last week during a Reddit AMA, Jerry Seinfeld teased fans with the promise a "big, huge, gigantic" project with Larry David. According to Roger Freidman at Showbiz 411, the scope of the project is now more clear: Seinfeld and David are headed to Broadway, baby.

Mad Men, a show that used to be really good, will premiere the first half of its final season on Sunday, April 13. AMC also announced that Breaking Bad spinoff Better Call Saul will debut sometime in November.

[A music legend and Bono cuddle up Sunday night at The Weinstein Company & Netflix's 2014 Golden Globes After Party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills. Image by Charles Gallay via Getty]

Throughout the weekend writer Ray Lemoine and others will be contributing short bits of coverage to Defamer from the front lines of the Golden Globes party scene. This dispatch comes from Lindsay MaHarry.

OK, this time, it could be legit. Accepting the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award for her old friend Woody Allen (who doesn't do award shows), Diane Keaton was bleeped for saying, "Goddamn," and who knows what else. She then burst into song — "Make New Friends," to be precise. The song is a Girl Scouts anthem, which could be real deep shade thrown at a man whose taste in younger relatives is well known. Or maybe she's drunk. Or maybe she's just an eccentric veteran actress who felt like singing a song.

If you're nominated for a Golden Globe, write a speech. Just write a speech! And also, hope that Modern Family's Julie Bowen isn't presenting, because she'll whisper sweet nothings at you before mouth-kissing you: