Here is this week's Gawker Review of Pools prompt: do the residents make the pool, or does the pool make the residents?

As long as we've got Kirk Cameron, the holiest moron on Facebook, we've got the world spinning right in our hands. And that world is crazy as fuck, spinning out of control, and someone please stop him from making videos and posting them online.

James Gandolfini will be inducted into the ostensibly real "New Jersey Hall of Fame" tonight, an honor he has no doubt received many times before over weepy beers in the early hours of the New Jersey morning.

Buddy Valastro, your mom's favorite Hoboken baker and star of TLC's Cake Boss, was arrested early Thursday morning in Manhattan for suspected drunk driving. According to TMZ, Valastro—who is working hard to turn arrests and idiocy into a thriving family business—was arrested after failing "multiple" field sobriety tests and blowing "well above the legal limit."

Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse, had his 40th birthday on Tuesday night. The known playboy kept the party low-key, however, celebrating with just a few close friends and absolutely no girls allowed just kidding there were so many models there!!

Calling all moms: Kirk Cameron, the Lord's favorite Growing Pains actor, has a message for you this Christmas.

There is new Usher news and new sex tape news: TMZ is reporting that there is an Usher sex tape, showing the singer and his ex-wife Tameka Raymond, and that it is being shopped around by a mysterious figure.

Here's another piece of Hollywood lore to add to the list of mysteries we'd like to see solved in our lifetime: Did Christina Aguilera say "yeah, whatever" to Valerie Bertinelli at a Van Halen concert that took place somewhere on Planet Earth an indiscernible amount of years ago? Valerie says yes!

Taylor Swift recently pulled all of her music off of Spotify, and, ugh, of course Dean has something to say about it. WHAT IS IT, DEAN?

Christopher Nolan's Interstellar, starring Jessica Chastain, comes out tomorrow, and if Christopher Nolan has his way, the only winter movie starring Jessica Chastain that you will know about is his.

NOFX's Fat Mike was suffering from neck pain during a concert on Tuesday night in Sydney, Australia. "Huh. Maybe I shouldn't be in the band NOFX anymore," he didn't say.

Aaron Grissom, the "most hated" contestant on this season of Top Chef: Boston, was arrested for domestic violence on Tuesday. TMZ reports that Grissom got into a heated argument with his girlfriend in his Los Angeles home, allegedly pushing her so hard she injured her knee.

Benedict Cumberbatch is engaged. (Not to you.)

The long-awaited film adaptation of Twilight fanfic and bestselling smut 50 Shades of Grey is nearly upon us, but according to star Jamie Dornan, we will not be getting a full-frontal view of his dick. This is confusing, because of all the movies in the world where a guy's peen could appropriately co-star, this one tops the list.

Soft rock dad Chris Martin seems to be doing fine after his breakup with 24-year-old acclaimed actress Jennifer Lawrence. At Kate Hudson's Halloween party last night, he hung out with ex-90210 actress Sara Foster, who was dressed like a business ballerina:

Beyoncé and Jay Z are collectively worth something like $1 billion. Maybe. Beyoncé said it herself so it must be true. The point is that they can basically buy anything in the world. Nonetheless, spending $85 million on a single pool is a serious purchase for even the richest elevator fight club. Beyoncé and Jay Z might do such a thing, but here's the real question: would you?

On last night's Tonight Show, Paul Reubens confirmed the years-old rumor that he'll be returning to his Pee-wee Herman character for a new feature length film.

The investigation into Natalie Wood's death was reopened in 2011, and in 2012 her death certificate was amended to list her cause of death as "drowning and other undetermined factors." The "undetermined factors" (Robert Wagner, Christopher Walken) still have yet to be determined, mostly because police have yet to question her ghost. She lives on her boat, guys, hello!

It's the reason we're all reading this from a bath of Purell™, the reason we burned all of our clothes, and the reason our moms are so worried about us. It's the reason we've stopped eating poop we find on the train, and the reason we dug a grave to our proportions in the backyard, just in case. It's Ebola, my man, and Anne Hathaway wouldn't shake a journalist's hand because of it, apparently.

Artisanal curator and actress Blake Lively is going to have a baby with handsome Canadian Ryan Reynolds. Her perfectly-shaped fetus is making her stomach protrude just so. She is glowing. But guess what, Serena: Blair is fertile, too.